10 Tips to Avoid Being Ensnared by a Narcissist

A narcissist is a predator. He’s like a hungry lion searching for prey and if you happen to be among the unaware masses, then watch out. He may be headed your way and he hopes you continue in your ignorance as to his true nature as this serves his purposes quite well. The idea that a human being could prey upon another human being the same way animals in the wild do is something most people will instinctively find hard to accept. But information about narcissists is becoming more wide spread in the collective consciousness and we are starting to wake up to the fact that there is a type of being out there that preys on others for energy. You may have heard the term ‘energy vampire’ mentioned before and you probably thought it was new age nonsense that has nothing to do with real life. Well, now we know that there are indeed human beings out there who prey on others for emotional energy and they may not be as rare as we all thought.

Have you ever spent time with someone and thereafter you were left feeling emotionally drained? Maybe they dumped all their problems on you and kept going on and on about how unfair life is to them and you found yourself comforting and reassuring and soothing and validating and on and on and on until finally you felt utterly exhausted? Or alternatively, have you ever had a conversation with someone that left you feeling bad about yourself or feeling low or anxious or like a failure? Maybe they made some subtle digs at you, gave you some back handed complements, made you feel incompetent, like a loser, etc. Have you noticed that every time you talk to this person, you’re somehow left feeling the same way every single time? It could be a close friend, a colleague, a supervisor, a manager, a family member, etc. This person could very well be an energy vampire or what is more commonly known as a narcissist. A narcissist is simply someone with an inflated sense of self (grandiosity), a need for constant validation and a lack of emotional empathy. A narcissist feeds off other people’s energy by either drawing positive energy from them (validation, praise, flattery etc.) or negative energy (anger, anxiety, fear, shame, etc.) The bad news is that most of us have one or more of such people in our lives. The good news is that there are ways to protect yourself from being ensnared by a narcissist and especially more so as their intimate partner.

A narcissist is simply someone with an inflated sense of self (grandiosity), a need for constant validation and a lack of emotional empathy.

If you’re lucky, then you’ve only ever encountered a narcissist from afar e.g., at work, in school, etc. and it is relatively easy to keep your distance once you know what they are. For some people however, the narcissist somehow manages to snake his way into their life and becomes a significant other such as a spouse, partner, girlfriend or boyfriend. Narcissist commonly show their true colours once the person is safely in their grip and will then unleash horrors such as physical and emotional abuse, manipulations, humiliation, financial ruin, mental torture and so much more. Getting out of these abusive situations proves almost impossible for many victims due to co dependence that comes about from trauma bonding. The easiest way to beat a narcissist is to avoid falling into his trap in the first place.

Narcissists as predators generally go to great lengths to identify their prey and they usually prefer targets with empathetic traits such as kindness, compassion, decency, truthfulness, humility, politeness, caring, etc. Once identified, the narcissist goes all out in his seduction of the unsuspecting target and if unaware, the target won’t stand a chance. Remember: the narcissist does not love you and is actually incapable of love; he only loves what he can get from you. The ten tips below should help you avoid becoming ensnared by one.

Beware of the love bombing

In their haste and eagerness to ‘own’ you, the narcissist will engage in what is commonly known as love bombing. This is whereby the narcissist bombards you with an exaggerated form of seduction which involves taking you out on expensive dates, buying you gifts, declaring his love through poetry, constantly texting you and calling you and visiting you and basically taking you on a whirlwind romance. You will not know where he came from but suddenly, he will be all over your social media, your phone, your house, even your place of work. You will literally be swept off your feet. Now, the average person will most probably never have encountered this type of seduction and will likely find all the attention flattering and irresistible. Unfortunately, this is all a big performance. It is meant to dazzle you and blind you to the narcissist’s true intention which is to get you addicted to him as quickly as possible. Obviously, a seduction of this magnitude cannot be sustained for a long period and thus you need to be acquired as quickly as possible (note: the narcissist sees you as an object to be acquired). If you meet someone who seduces you in this manner, be careful. You just may have fallen into the hands of narcissist.

2. Notice the pushy behaviour

One of the things you will notice about a narcissist is that he is very pushy in the early stages of his seduction. He will want you to spend the night with him after the first date and will push through any resistance you may have. He will tell you he loves you by the second date and will push you to say you love him back. He will want you to move in together after three weeks and will come up with all manner of clever arguments to counter your resistance. You will always feel as if the relationship is moving much faster than you would like it to but your reservations will be cleverly sidestepped as the narcissist takes the love bombing a notch higher. The usual milestones that would normally take a much longer time will be achieved within no time. The narcissist is eager to make you his and not in a good way. Remember, the narcissist sees you as nothing more than a good source of energy even though he may not consciously be aware of this. Such a wonderful source of energy cannot be allowed to get away but must be obtained through any means possible.

3. Observe his lack of respect for your boundaries

Boundaries mean nothing to a narcissist. Due to his self-absorbed nature and lack of emotional empathy, he will not be thinking about you as he carries out his seduction but rather will be thinking about himself and getting his needs met. Any boundary you put up will likely be trampled over and ignored. A narcissist is all about using you for his own pleasure. He sees you as an object and even as he seduces you, this will come across through a lack of respect for your boundaries. He won’t care that you’d rather not do certain things and will keep pushing and pushing until all your resistance is worn out. Narcissists lack empathy and have a sense of entitlement while their victims generally have a natural tendency to be polite and have difficulty saying no. The narcissist will therefore delight in taking more and more and will display a callous disregard for your feelings. If you find yourself with someone who constantly oversteps your boundaries, then it’s likely you are dealing with a narcissist.

4. Is he mirroring you?

Narcissist not only lack emotional empathy, they also lack the positive love-based emotions such as joy, happiness, compassion, generosity, etc. Due to their inability to feel these emotions, they are left with no option but to mirror your emotions back to you in order to make it look like they feel the same way you do. Not only that but they will also mirror your likes and dislikes, your interests, your preferences, etc. This mirroring is quite subtle and if you are caught up in the love bombing you may not actually notice. In effect what is happening is that you are falling in love with yourself. The narcissist being completely empty inside has to come up with a fake persona and you being their target will form the template for this construct. They will in effect become you in order to ensnare you. You need to be wary if someone seems to be oddly similar to you. Before you start rejoicing thinking you have finally found the person of your dreams who shares the same values and interests as you, remember if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

5. Does he lack respect for those he considers ‘beneath’ him?

One of the well-known characteristics of a narcissist is his or her sense of superiority. He most likely feels superior to you but this side of him will not be coming out any time soon (he will save that for after the seduction). However, he will not be able to hide his disdain when dealing with someone he considers beneath him. When dealing with service staff such as waiters, gardeners, security guards or cleaners, his feelings of superiority will naturally come to the fore. In fact, he may try to impress you by being rude to such people since in his twisted mind it shows how powerful he is. He may treat you like royalty but he won’t be able to refrain from treating other people like trash. This is a dead giveaway that you should not ignore especially when taken together with the other signs.

6. Avoid online dating and chat rooms

The internet must have been one of the happiest inventions as far as narcissists are concerned. Being a predator in need of prey, the internet makes hunting so much easier for him. From the comfort of his home, the narcissist can have a much wider reach than he would ever have hoped for if his only option was face to face interaction. Social media might as well have been created specifically for narcissists as their kind are the ones who are best served by this technology. Online dating sites and chat rooms are especially crawling with narcissists and if you’re using these forums as a way of meeting people and socializing, you are like little red riding hood walking all alone and defenseless in the woods. You are literally swimming with sharks and it won’t be long before you find yourself trapped by one of their kind. There is no accountability in the virtual world which allows them to easily engage in tactics such as catfishing, ghosting, hooking up with multiple people, using fake profiles, the list is endless. Just save yourself the trouble and avoid these forums.

7. Avoid magical thinking

Do you believe in soulmates? Twin flames? Do you believe everyone has that special person they’re supposed to meet at some point in their lives? Do you believe your other half is out there waiting for the day you’ll meet so that they complete you? If you have these kinds of beliefs, then you’re vulnerable to being deceived by a narcissist. These beliefs have their roots in Greek mythology; apparently at some point our soul divided into two and we are destined to spend lifetime after lifetime searching for our other half and we will never truly be happy until we find them. So, when the narcissist comes along and bombards you with his fake love, you’re more likely to fall for his lies since you’re likely to feel that you’ve finally found your soulmate. You are also more likely to hold on to the relationship when things start going south believing that what you have is meant to be. You need to watch out for this kind of magical thinking. You are a whole person, there is no one out there who is coming to complete you.

8. Listen to yourself

How do you feel when you are with the person seducing you? Do you feel uneasy, anxious, as if something is not quite right? This could be your subconscious mind warning you of something your conscious mind is not able to see. Do you feel like you are constantly walking on egg shells when with him? Narcissists are known for their fury which lies just beneath the surface and although this is usually well hidden during the seduction phase, you may well be able to sense it if say you criticize him or go against something he wants. It’s important to listen to yourself and not dismiss your feelings. Those who grew up with narcissistic parents may have a harder time with this as they have been taught to suppress their feelings or that their feelings don’t matter. They are used to behaving contrary to what they feel so they may not be alert to what their feelings are telling them. This is why those who were brought up by narcissistic parents are more likely to end up with narcissistic partners. Their internal defense mechanism is pretty much broken. One of the things you need to do when dating is to listen to yourself, listen to what your body is telling you and honor those feelings. You are under no obligation to get into a relationship if it doesn’t feel right even if this is just a vague feeling that you can’t quite put into words.

9. Don’t fall for future faking

One of the weapons a narcissist wields against his victim is future faking. This is whereby a narcissist will very early on in a relation start talking about your future together e.g., marriage, kids, where you will live, places you will travel to, etc. If you’ve been with someone for a reasonable length of time, maybe a year or so, then it is perfectly acceptable to start talking about your future together. With a narcissist however, this will be done too early, maybe even by the second date or so. The purpose of course is to bind you to him by making you feel as if he is very serious about you. You may be flattered or feel special that he thinks this way about you so soon after meeting you. It changes the way you look at the relationship. The narcissist is cleverly taking advantage of what in most people is a very strong desire. This obviously raises the stakes and makes it much harder for you to leave him. If the person you just started dating starts talking about marriage or how many children you will have and what their names will be, beware. You may well be in the arms of a narcissist.

10. Honor your needs

Narcissist usually target empaths. Why? Because these are the kind hearted, caring, decent human beings who will only be too happy to put everyone else’s needs before their own. Narcissists know that the empath will always be giving and the narcissist is only too happy to always be taking. Not only will he want to take everything you have to offer but it will not be enough for him. One of the things you need to learn to do in order to avoid falling into the trap of a narcissist is to learn how to ask for your needs to be met. Your needs are just as important as anyone else’s and there is no reason why you should always have to sacrifice your needs for someone else. If you’ve just started dating someone, ask for something to gauge their reaction. Ask to be taken to a certain restaurant or some place you’d like to go. A narcissist wants to be in control and will want to be in charge of how the seduction unfolds. Remember, this is all a grand performance on his part. He is not genuinely giving anything to you because giving is not in his nature. His focus is on one thing and one thing only. To make you his. If you start asking for things, he will not want to do it. The charming façade will most likely start slipping. The other side of this coin is if you refuse the narcissist something he really wants. With his sense of entitlement and lack of respect for boundaries, he will not readily accept or respect your refusal to do what he wants. You might find that the seduction will not proceed quite so well if you turn out to be the kind of person who asks for things or refuses him things.

The Objectification of Human Beings by the War Industry

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If there’s one thing human beings have been programmed to believe, it’s that we are not capable of analyzing issues and coming to our own conclusions. Everything has to be broken down for us by experts. Human beings have been taught to believe that we should always wait to be told by authoritative figures how to think about certain issues, be it politics, economics, unfolding events, even what we should eat and how we should live our lives. That’s why whenever we read news articles, we always find references to what the experts have to say about the issue at hand. The idea is basically to tell us how we should think about the issue, thereby eliminating the need for us to think critically and come to our own conclusions. Whenever a newsworthy event happens, we get the panel of experts to chew the facts for us and feed us with the proper way of thinking about the issue. This programming is so deep within us that many of us automatically shy away from thinking deeply about ideas or events that are happening around us and prefer to take at face value whatever the experts are saying.

It is in this context that I originally shied away from writing this article because I thought to myself, well what do I know about war? What do I know apart from what I see in the media about wars breaking out here and there and soldiers being sent to battle in various parts of the world and bombs being dropped in faraway places? I assumed as many people do that military decisions are made by war generals and political leaders who surely know better than any of us what needs to be done. How many times have we seen decorated war generals solemnly and authoritatively declaring that this and that war is being fought for this and that reason and it never even occurs to us to question why this is so and whether this person actually knows what they are talking about? How could anyone question such an authority figure? He is the expert on such issues after all.

Or are they? Maybe that’s just what we’ve been led to believe? If the people who make decisions about whether or not a country should go to war are the experts on such things, then why is the world in such a mess with endless wars being fought everywhere and nothing much ever coming out of these wars? How comes these so-called experts always say that the war will achieve this and that goal, but this is never the case? Doesn’t that surely tell us that these people have no clue what they are talking about? If they did, why do we have situations such as the ones in Afghanistan or Iraq in which wars are fought for decades and end up making the situation even worse than it was before? What about the current wars going on in the world such as in Yemen or Syria or in some African regions? If the decision to fight or intervene in these wars were made by experts, people who supposedly know better than all of us, then why are things so much worse than they were to begin with?

If the people who make decisions about whether or not a country should go to war are the experts on such things, then why is the world in such a mess with endless wars being fought everywhere and nothing much ever coming out of these wars?

Let’s talk about why these wars are even possible in the first place. Where do the weapons come from? Where does the ammunition come from? It is common knowledge today that both sides of a war are usually supplied by governments or corporations that stand to make huge profits from the sale of these war supplies. Sometimes even both sides of a war could be supplied by the same people. The most shocking thing of all is that the developed world that is always quick to condemn countries that go to war are the same ones that supply nearly all the weapons being used in wars around the globe. It doesn’t take an expert to see that war is a huge calamity for humanity as a whole and that anyone who makes the decision to send people to war whether a president or a parliament or an army general is essentially condemning a lot of human beings to death without caring too much about the individual human lives that are going to be lost.

Let’s be clear about one thing: war is the extreme objectification of human beings, because human beings stop being seen as individuals but as objects to be used to achieve whatever objective the decision makers want to achieve. The end thus becomes more important than the human lives that are going to be destroyed by the war. Soldiers are seen as resources to be used in fighting wars, no different from the weapons and the fighter jets and the bombs that are used in war. The humanity of these people is denied and deemed to be secondary to whatever objective the war is supposed to achieve. The people who are killed in wars become nothing more than statistics for us to briefly reflect on during news reports before quickly moving on to other news. The people who are displaced by war, the millions who are forced to emigrate to foreign lands where they are greeted with hostility and hatred are seen not as the human beings they are, but as destabilizing elements that need to be kept out of the clean and civilized societies into which they attempt to enter. We refuse to see their humanity and choose to see them as different from us and as threats to our way of life.

It’s no big secret that the reason war exists is because war is an industry and a very profitable one at that. Profit is the only reason wars are fought. This is pretty much an open secret today. Of course, those who benefit from war will always try to hide this from the population and they will always find ways to justify why this and that war must be fought. What about the massive expenditure by governments on their military? How could this be justified if no wars were being fought, if there were no enemies to fight and protect ourselves from? These huge budgets could be used for the welfare of the people, but instead they are used to prepare for and fight against real and imagined enemies. Why is this still going on? Why do we, the people who are hurt by wars, who don’t benefit in any way, who have everything to lose from war allow this to continue?

It’s because we have been programmed to see the world in this way. We have been programmed to believe that war is a natural part of being human and the idea of a world without war is never even presented as an option, leave alone debated as a serious possibility. But if human beings can envision a world without poverty, if people can envision a world without disease, why can’t we envision a world without war? We’ve also been made to believe that every country must have an army for the sake of self-defense because supposedly we are surrounded by enemies who are just waiting for an opportunity to attack. But did you know there are countries that have no standing armies such as Costa Rica, Mauritius and Panama? How comes no one is attacking them?

A journalist by the name Hannah Arendt who reported on the trial of war criminal Adolf Eichmann, one of the architects of the final solution during the holocaust wrote a book about what she called the ‘banality of evil’. The banality of evil basically means that the reason people commit acts of evil is because they refuse to think for themselves. They mindlessly take on ideologies and follow orders and commit acts that are evil because they do not take time to analyze and think about what they are doing and question what they are told. We are so accustomed to being told how to think about everything that we do not actually take time to think for ourselves. As an example, consider the idea that is aggressively pushed by Hollywood that soldiers who go to fight wars are heroes. We all know the atrocities that are committed during war, so how are these people heroes? Why do we accept this idea? Are these people heroes or are they pawns in a game that is so masterfully played that we have all been fooled by it for far too long? If only every soldier who thinks about joining the military could pause and think for themselves and ask themselves whether it is justified to kill another human being and whether this is something they personally want to do, then maybe we would start seeing a change in terms of people becoming unwilling to subject themselves to this objectification.

We are so accustomed to being told how to think about everything that we do not actually take time to think for ourselves.

Wars are not a necessary or inevitable part of life on this planet. There are people who would prefer that we continue to think about war in this way, that we continue to view war as an integral part of being human, something that can never be eradicated because it is human nature. But we know that it is not in human nature to kill other people, in fact it is so contrary to human nature that even those who are trained to do so end up being severely traumatized by it.

The worst part about war, despite all the propaganda, is that war never achieves the goals that it sets out to achieve. No war ever goes the way it was supposed to go. People who were thought to be weak turn out to be not so weak after all. Armies that were seen as invincible turn out to be not so invincible after all. The one thing that is certain about war is that it results in casualties and death. So essentially, the value of a human life is made secondary to some obscure goals that will in all probability not be achieved. If we viewed the soldiers who go to fight wars and the people who are affected by wars as human beings who have a right to live long and meaningful lives, we would never allow our governments to send anyone to war. It’s time we said no to this objectification of human beings by the war industry.

What is the Fallen Consciousness?

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Recently I watched two documentaries that got me thinking about something that many of us never consciously consider and yet is a major part of the world we live in. One of the documentaries was called ‘Coded Bias’ in which some clever people discover that artificial intelligence which uses data that is gathered from our collective use of the internet has some inbuilt biases for example biases against women and biases against people of colour. The interesting thing about this is that the artificial intelligence uses raw data that is fed into it and it produces a result which is an accurate reflection of the world we live in. The problem of course comes in when we try to use artificial intelligence to carry out tasks such as recruitment or facial recognition or performance evaluations. Then we run into problems because the system naturally perpetuates the biases we already have and makes them even worse. The biases in our society such as the ones mentioned above naturally find their way into the system because the system can only work with the information it is fed. In layman’s terms, this is what is known as garbage in, garbage out. Unfortunately, this is taking place in the world of technology which these days is affecting our lives more and more in ways that we don’t even know yet. The worst part about it is that it took people who are really smart in I.T. and mathematics to notice this problem. In other words, this is something that the average person would never actually be able to notice.

The biases in our society such as the ones mentioned above naturally find their way into the system because the system can only work with the information it is fed. In layman’s terms, this is what is known as garbage in, garbage out.

Which brings me to the title of this article. What is the fallen consciousness? The fallen consciousness is something like the bias that is hidden inside all the raw data that is difficult to perceive, but becomes very clear once the data runs through the system because of the result it produces. Basically, the fallen consciousness is a way of thinking that is very hard to notice or perceive in yourself or in others, but it becomes very clear from the results it produces. How many times have we looked at the world we live in and wondered why is the world is in such a mess? Well, it is because of the garbage in, garbage out phenomenon. We are constantly feeding garbage into the system and then we wonder why the system produces garbage. But what exactly do I mean when I say we are feeding garbage into the system?

Well, this now brings me to the second documentary I watched which is a prime example of how we feed garbage into the system. The documentary is called ‘Inside Job’ and it talks about a topic that many of us are familiar with. The financial collapse of 2008. How did this collapse happen? It happened because of greed. Greed is an example of the fallen consciousness because it is a way of thinking that says I am the most important person; I should be able to have everything I want and everyone else can pretty much go to hell; I am more deserving than anyone else of all the good things life has to offer. Now, if you meet a person with this way of thinking, you would probable not be able to see it in them immediately. They probably don’t even see it in themselves. This way of thinking only becomes clear once it is taken through the system and then it produces a result, which in this case was the global financial collapse. Many of us of course suffer from various degrees of greed, but in this case, it was greed that was taken to the very extreme and it produced an extreme result which then became obvious to everyone.

Another good example of this same way of thinking is clearly emerging from the ongoing covid-19 pandemic and specifically on the issue of vaccines. What is clearly emerging is what is starting to be known as vaccine apartheid, which is whereby the rich countries are grabbing for themselves most of the vaccine supplies in the planet, in many cases much more than they even need, while the rest of the world goes without. One of the features of the fallen consciousness is that it thinks that you can hurt others without actually hurting yourself. What we are seeing with the vaccine apartheid is that as the rich nations grab for themselves all the vaccines, we are giving the virus time to mutate and form other variants that are then going to prolong the pandemic and maybe even eventually render the vaccines we currently have useless. If only we could distribute the vaccines more equitably around the globe, we could significantly slow down the spread of the virus and its ability to mutate.

I hope you are now starting to see what the fallen consciousness is. Its not just one thing, its many things. It’s a way of thinking that says some people are better than others, some people are more deserving than others, there is not enough for everyone, I can hurt others without hurting myself, etc. If you feed enough of this way of thinking into the system, then you end up with the world we live in today. The world we live in is a reflection of the fallen consciousness, it is a reflection of what we have been feeding into the system, knowingly or unknowingly.

The world we live in is a reflection of the fallen consciousness, it is a reflection of what we have been feeding into the system, knowingly or unknowingly.

I want to give a small analogy of how the fallen consciousness basically makes the world hell for everyone who lives in it. Imagine there’s a giant wall and on the other side of the wall is paradise. All humanity needs to do is come together and find a way that will enable everyone to climb over the wall into paradise. Sounds easy enough, right? But as everyone is busy thinking of how we could find a way for everyone to enter into paradise, a rumor begins circulating among the people. The rumor says that actually, there’s not enough room for everyone in paradise. Only some people will be able to go to paradise, not everyone. Now, no one has actually been to paradise, so no one actually knows whether this is true or not. But sooner or later, everyone starts believing that there is not enough room in paradise for everyone. What starts happening is that some people give up on the idea of ever making it to paradise and decide to just make do with what is here on this side. Some people even completely forget that they were trying to get to paradise and they just find other things to do and other ways of distracting themselves. Soon, only half of the population is even trying to get into paradise. This is the first level of the fallen consciousness.

Of the people that are now actively trying to get into paradise, suddenly another rumor starts circulating. It seems that actually not everyone deserves to enter into paradise. This becomes very confusing for many as its not clear exactly what this means. Soon, many criteria start emerging as people try to determine who is worthy of entering into paradise and who is not. Some say only a certain race deserves to enter, some say only a certain religion deserves to enter, some say only a certain gender, only a certain skin color, only a certain profession, only a certain sexual orientation, etc. The criteria is really arbitrary and everyone tries to come up with their own version. This causes a lot of tension as most people believe their criteria to be correct and reject everyone else’s criteria. People start discreetly supporting the criteria they agree with while opposing the criteria they don’t agree with. Soon enough, laws have to be created which subtly and not so subtly support one criterion and then it becomes necessary to brutally enforce these laws because many people violently oppose the laws. The curious thing about this particular level of the fallen consciousness is that many people can clearly see that this is unfair when the criteria works against them, but they are not able to see the unfairness when it works for them. This is the second level of the fallen consciousness and as you can see it is a very chaotic system that keeps everyone very busy fighting and arguing about who is deserving and who is not and everyone tries to prove that they are deserving while at the same time trying to keep out those they consider not deserving to enter paradise.

While everyone is busy trying to sort out the mess, about one percent of the population comes together and says look, it would be nice if all these people could get into paradise, but imagine how much nicer it would be if only we were in paradise. We could basically have it all! We would have so much that we would never again have to lack. So, while everyone is busy fighting each other, why don’t we come up with a system that will allow only us to enter into paradise and leave out all these other dummies that are fighting amongst themselves? The next level of the fallen consciousness is thus created. Of course, this has to be well hidden from everyone else so that no one would know what is happening. The one percent called this level capitalism, which is a clever way of disguising the fallen consciousness of greed (Boris Johnson the PM of the UK very eloquently confirmed this recently). The one percent then got everyone to accept that indeed this is the best system, maybe even the only true system, it is based on meritocracy therefore guarantees that only the truly deserving can actually make it into paradise. Capitalism therefore becomes the dominant way of thinking and everyone is fooled into agreeing that anything else is dangerous and false.

As you can imagine, what was initially a simple task has now been transformed into the most impossible task imaginable. Everyone apart from the one percent is now living in hell on earth and some start blaming god for creating such a messy situation. If god was all powerful and all good they say, then he would never have allowed this to happen. Therefore, the only conclusion is that either god doesn’t exist or he is not all powerful or he is not all good. Of course, what they fail to realize is that god did not create the fallen consciousness that produced the mess. The people themselves created the fallen consciousness and they fed it into the system and the system produced a result. The only way out of the mess is to stop using the fallen consciousness and simply come up with a system that allows everyone to cross over into paradise. Simple enough task, wouldn’t you say?

I hope this article helps you understand what the fallen consciousness is and enables you to see it in yourself and in others. Obviously, the fallen consciousness comes in many shapes and forms but I hope you can now see how it runs through and affects everything in the world we live in. My sincere hope is that we start realizing that the only way out of this mess is to create a just world in which the fallen consciousness has no place.

Harry and Meghan: An Opportunity to Choose Love

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I have been following the unfolding story of Harry and Meghan from afar with a lot of interest. I really shouldn’t care so much what happens to these two people – I’m a Kenyan after all and it has absolutely nothing to do with me. And yet, I find myself fascinated. I keep asking myself, why is there so much hatred directed at this young couple? From all appearances, they seem to be a loving, attractive and well-meaning couple. They seem to genuinely want to do good not just for Britain but for the world at large. By all measures, Britain should be proud of this couple given the goodwill they bring to the country, not to mention the billions of dollars in revenue that flows into the British economy from the world’s fascination with the royal family in general and Harry and Meghan in particular. But inexplicably, Harry and Meghan seem to be getting attacked and vilified from every direction pretty much from day one, while the rest of the country watches in silence. Apart from a few voices of support here and there, most notably from the women MPs who wrote an open letter to Meghan, no one else seems to care about what is happening. It just doesn’t make sense to an outsider. And worse still, apparently they are expected to just take whatever abuse is hurled at them in silence, simply because they are public officers paid from public coffers. In essence, what they are being told is that in exchange for the priviledge of living in a castle, they should expect and accept all kinds of abuse from pretty much anyone who chooses to do so.

It’s not Harry and Meghan they are fighting per se. It is this dangerous idea this couple represents that must be fought at all costs. It is the idea that all human beings are the same, that there is no difference between white, black, yellow, brown, red, etc.

Now, again, I really shouldn’t care how the British people choose to treat their fellow citizens, but for some reason, I feel pain for Harry and Meghan. Maybe it’s because I’ve followed their story ever since they first appeared in public together. Like millions of other people all over the world, I watched their fairy tale wedding and I just couldn’t get over their beauty as a couple, and what they represent.

And herein I think lies the problem. It’s what they represent, this idea that they embody that seems to be so offensive, so repugnant to some people, that they feel the need to come guns blazing, bulging eyes red with fury and hatred. It’s not Harry and Meghan they are fighting per se. It is this dangerous idea this couple represents that must be fought at all costs. It is the idea that all human beings are the same, that there is no difference between white, black, yellow, brown, red, etc. We are all the same. This is the idea Harry and Meghan represent, which must be resisted at all costs. There are people, forces as Harry called them, that cannot stand this idea. Harry and Meghan seem to be telling the world that race and colour mean nothing. Any two people can fall in love and marry and live happily ever after and it doesn’t matter who they are or where they are from. These same forces fought Princess Diana because she represented something else they hate. She was different. Different is dangerous. Different means change and change is threatening to those who want to maintain the status quo. They cannot stand the idea that the world is changing, that people’s consciousness is raising, that we are beginning to see our common humanity, our oneness as human beings. And this is the opportunity Harry and Meghan give to Britain and to the world. Through their love, they are showing us the direction we need to be moving in. Without love for each other, without seeing and acknowledging our common humanity, how do we hope to solve the problems the world is faced with at the moment? The world is in chaos right now, because of our inability to see that there is no difference between us, that when we hurt each other, we hurt ourselves. When you drop a bomb at your neighbour’s doorstep, guess what? You may not see it, but you are hurting yourself. We have to live in this world. We mess it up, we live in the mess. We have an opportunity to say NO to hatred and YES to love. Let’s not just sit back and remain silent and allow the forces of hatred to win. Let’s choose LOVE.

How to Keep Fit in Your Forties – Keep it Simple

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I am turning forty-five this year. What an achievement! You know the way you never actually see yourself growing old when you’re younger? And then suddenly you turn forty and you realize, I’m old! Okay, forty is not exactly old, I can see that now that I’m in my mid-forties, but when I turned forty, I felt old. Over time I’ve managed to change the way I look at aging and now I have a much more positive outlook towards it. Getting older is one of those things you never thought would happen to you but hey, you are now doing it with the best of them! You are aging like a pro! That’s exactly how I look at it now, so I can’t wait to turn forty-five. In fact, I can’t wait to hit my fifties and get that exciting gift that awaits all ladies when they reach this important milestone. No more periods!!

As exciting a period of time as this is, the reality is that with aging comes a few minor inconveniences, such as the weakening of muscles, the buildup of fat in unwanted areas and the depletion of certain hormones that are essential in keeping us looking ‘womanly’. I’m not a doctor so I won’t get into the nitty gritty of what happens inside your body as you age. What I believe is that with a little self-care, we can all have healthy and beautiful bodies that continue serving us optimally well into our golden years.

Exercise

Towards the end of last year, I started a small fitness routine that I’m happily still engaged in up to now. Every once in a while, I get these bursts of vigor and vitality from I don’t even know where and I find myself going to the gym for as many as four continuous months, after which I completely burn out and stay away from the gym for the next two years. I know, this is obviously not the recommended way to exercise, but this is what I am able to do with my busy schedule working full time and caring for my kids. The good news is that those few months of intense physical activity that I engage in are not totally wasted. The next time I get the energy to restart the cycle, I find that it’s much easier to build up my muscles as whatever had been there before is usually not too far underneath the surface. I have come to conclude that this is my natural cycle and so I try to work with it rather than fighting it. When I have the energy, I engage in exercising. When the energy runs out, I stop knowing that sooner or later it will come back.

As a woman in my forties, what I am currently focusing on is strengthening the muscles on my legs, my stomach, my core and my bust. If you like, you could focus on other areas such as your back, your arms, your shoulders, etc.

My routine is very simple. I work out three times a week and do two sets of 15 repetitions each of the following exercises:

As a woman in my forties, what I am currently focusing on is strengthening the muscles on my legs, my stomach, my core and my bust.

Squats
Lunges
Planks
Leg raises
Upright push-ups

Squats and lunges are useful in keeping thighs and butts firm but in my case, I’ve noticed an additional benefit in that I have a tendency to get knee pains every once in a while, and doing squats and lunges seems to work in alleviating the pain and keeping it at bay for long periods of time. A common complaint many people have as they grow older is that the muscles around the knee area start atrophying, leaving the knee looking as if it’s jutting out (this is common in both women and men as they get older). I had started noticing this particular problem myself, but I’m happy to report that after a few weeks of squats and lunges, this is starting to improve.

Planks and leg raises are wonderful for keeping the stomach area toned. I’ve always had this little ‘pouch’ on my lower stomach which I know a lot of women have (and this is made worse by childbirth); by doing planks and leg raises, this has reduced considerably. Planks are also good at strengthening your core, which is important for good posture and balance – very important as we start to age.

The upright push-ups are good for keeping the bust toned, which is obviously a concern for women as they age. If you want more attention on this area, bench presses would be a good idea but you would need to go to a gym for proper equipment. I am currently working out from home and so I prefer the upright push-ups as they are easy to perform and don’t require any equipment.

You can modify this routine to whatever works best for you. You could reduce or increase the number of times per week you work out, you could increase the sets or reduce the reps especially in the beginning when it might be a bit harder to manage. I find though that 15 reps are the best for getting quick results.

Diet

What I find most effective in keeping my weight stable is to eat three meals a day without snacking in between while keeping the last meal of the day as light as possible. I’m not an advocate of dieting because diets are hard to maintain over the long term simply because you are working against your body’s natural desires. You have to keep fighting to avoid eating this or that thing that your body really desires. And we all know that the more you tell your body no, the more it wants that very thing you are trying to deny it. Keeping fit in your forties needs you to have very simple practices that you can maintain over the long term without stressing yourself. I don’t cut out anything from my diet, I just eat in sensible portions, enough to make me feel full and no more. I also tend to eat only when I’m hungry. In other words, I don’t eat lunch just because it’s 1pm. I wait until I feel hungry then eat, whether that’s at 2 or 3 pm. That way, whatever I eat is quickly used up as energy by the body. If you’re able to, eat your last meal of the day early i.e. around 6-7p.m.. Don’t eat late at night as the body burns calories much slower when you’re asleep, meaning whatever you eat late at night will likely end up being stored as fat in the places you don’t want it to be stored. Last but not least, reduce or cut out your alcohol intake and stop smoking if you do. These two are major culprits in making us age much faster than we need to.

I would love to hear what things you do to keep fit in your forties, especially those things that are simple yet work well and would benefit other people as well. Feel free to write back and let me know!

How to Start Your Writing Career – Advice from a New Author

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A lot of people aspire to become writers, but many have no idea where to start. I believe everyone has a story to tell, so potentially anyone could become a writer. But how does one become a writer? How does one launch their writing career and become that published author they have always dreamt of becoming? I was in this same boat for a very long time, wanting to be a writer but never quite hitting that sweet spot where an idea forms in your mind and inspires you so much that you not only start writing but are able to write enough to result in a book. I always had the firm belief that I had a book in me that wanted to come out, but all the ideas I came up with sounded hollow and unconvincing. That was until last year when I was finally able to write and publish my first book. So, what changed? What finally made it possible for me to feel inspired enough to write and complete a whole book? Well, this is what I wanted to share with all of you aspiring writers.

I always had the firm belief that I had a book in me that wanted to come out, but all the ideas I came up with sounded hollow and unconvincing.

Write about something you’re passionate about

For my first book which I published last year, I wrote a very personal story about a journey I had been going through for almost two years. I had never previously imagined that when I finally wrote a book, it would be about a personal experience I was going through. I always thought my first book would be a fictional novel and all my efforts towards coming up with an idea had always been geared towards fiction. I was completely taken by surprise when one day I started writing my story, without even consciously thinking that I was writing a book and to my surprise, I had a lot to say and the words just kept flowing. Before I knew it, my writing was actually turning into a book. My recommendation therefore, especially for a first book is that you write about something you feel passionate about, something you are emotionally invested in and something you feel very strongly about. It could be a personal experience or it could be anything that produces a strong emotion in you. Even if it’s a fictional story, let it center around something that is close to your heart. Once the ball is rolling i.e. you’ve written your first book, it will become much easier to write your next book.

You don’t necessarily have to write a long book in the beginning

My first book is only 100 pages long. I know there’s a lot of pressure to write 70,000 – 100,000-word books, but for your first book just allow yourself to write whatever length of book you are able to write. The idea is to start and you have to start somewhere. As you become more experienced, you will be able to write longer books but this may not be the case in the beginning. I read the story of a prolific writer who currently writes amazing fictional novels, but his first book was only 50 pages long. Whatever length of book you write, go ahead and write it and publish it. Once you publish your first book, you will then start feeling like a writer and you can officially start calling yourself a writer and this will inspire you to start writing much better books. I am currently writing my second book and for sure it will be much longer than my first book.

Don’t have unrealistic expectations

You’ve always dreamt of being a writer and wowing the world with your first book which will instantly become a best-selling novel, selling millions of copies and probably turning into a major motion picture. This is a valid dream and there is nothing wrong with having such a dream. There are people out there who have had their first book instantly become a best-seller, so it is not entirely an impossibility. However, if you wait until the day you will have that million-dollar idea that will instantly become a best-seller, then you might wait for a very long time. The thing is, just start writing even if the idea you have is not the best idea. It could even be a lousy idea. Remember the guy I mentioned above whose first book was only 50 pages long? Well, by his own admission, the book was actually not a very good book at all. But the important thing is that it was what got him started on his writing career and now he is able to write much better books with much better plots. We learn from experience, and if you don’t start writing that lousy book, how will you ever graduate to writing million-dollar books? I am not trying to burst your bubble – it is possible for your first book to become an instant best-seller. I’m just saying don’t count too much on that happening, but go ahead and write anyway. Maybe your third or sixth or tenth book will become the big hit, who knows. By the way, my first book was not a best seller either. You know, just incase you were thinking I am one of those few exceptions.

Take advantage of self-publishing platforms such as Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing

These days, becoming a published author is much easier than it used to be. With self-publishing platforms such as Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing, anyone can become a published author. You don’t have to go through difficult publishers who will be completely uninterested in your very unique ideas, or who will take your manuscript and dump it somewhere in a dark corner of their office. Now all the power lies in your hands. Your book doesn’t have to meet anyone’s approval except your own. You are in control and no one can stop you from becoming the published author you have always dreamt of becoming. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you just publish some junk and call it a book. You do want people to read your book, otherwise what’s the point of writing? So, give it your best shot, write as good a book as possible and make sure your book doesn’t have typos. As a self-published author, no one is going to be monitoring the quality of your book except yourself, so work hard to make sure your book is of the best quality possible.

Just start writing

We’ve all heard this particular piece of advice and it’s a very annoying piece of advice when you’re an aspiring writer because what exactly does it mean? If I could just start writing, wouldn’t I have started writing by now? Well, that’s the reason I put this at the end, so as not to unnecessarily annoy you too early. What this means is that you could have the best idea in the world, but unless you actually sit down and start writing you will always be an aspiring writer and never a writer. The thing is, writing is actually work and sometimes it’s hard work. The idea in your head is not automatically going to jump from your head into the computer. You will have to sit down and coax it out and put it down in written form. It takes some kind of discipline. I can’t tell you I always enjoy the process of writing. In fact, I downright hate it sometimes. And don’t get me started about editing my work after having written it down. Sometimes I look at some of the stuff I’ve written and I wonder whether I had smoked something when I was writing it. What the hell was I trying to say? My point is, writing is not always going to be fun, and you will mostly have to force yourself to sit down and just write. But the reward is in finally publishing your completed work. It’s incomparable, that feeling of finishing a book and publishing it. So, don’t expect to be carried away by some writer’s inspiration where you find yourself writing non-stop for a month without the need for food or rest. Be ready to put in the work.

5 Classical Novels to Read in Your Lifetime

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Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Have you ever heard the expression ‘Leo Tolstoy is the author everyone wants to have read but no one wants to read’? There’s a very good reason for that. Leo Tolstoy’s books such as Anna Karenina or the equally popular War and Peace can seem really daunting when you consider just how thick they are. I’m talking 1000 pages or more. But I assure you it is well worth every minute you will spend reading and chances are by the time you are done you will be left craving for more.

Anna Karenina is my all-time favorite book by far. I loved it so much I simply didn’t want it to end. The closer I got to the end of the book, the more anxious I felt because I just wanted it to go on forever. Leo Tolstoy is quite simply in a class of his own – he cannot be compared with any other author, at least not in my books. His writing is simple yet engaging, his characters so compelling that you are left wondering how he could come up with such interesting characters. The novel has a myriad of characters, and yet each of them has a well-developed personality that is different and distinct from all the others in the book. One is left wondering how Tolstoy could keep track of all those characters and their personalities without mixing everything up. Even characters who only appear briefly are well developed and one can only marvel at Tolstoy’s genius in what he accomplishes in this novel. The protagonist, Anna Karenina is such a fascinating character that the reader is simply amazed at Tolstoy’s profound understanding of human nature. Simply put, Leo Tolstoy is a genius and you really have to read this book for yourself to understand what I mean.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

I’m a big fun of Jane Austen; I started reading her books in my early twenties and I loved them so much that I eventually read most of her books and I kept copies which I hope my kids are going to read one day. Pride and Prejudice was the first book I read by Jane Austen and it was the one that made me fall in love with her writing. You may have heard of the dashing and aloof Mr. Darcy, but did you know that this is a character from Pride and Prejudice? This book is so well loved that today we have modern movies that have been made based on this book. To know more about the compelling Mr. Darcy and his romance with one of the five Bennet sisters, go ahead and buy yourself a copy of the book, and maybe you will fall in love with Jane Austen like I did.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

I read Jane Eyre in my younger years and I read it again a few more times after that simply because it was such a fascinating read. It’s such a dark and terrible tale, but not in a bad way at all. It’s just that, the topic of madness and old castles and dark nights and people using candles which flicker in the howling wind is so…fascinating. Welcome to the crazy world of Mr. Rochester and his insane wife who screams at night, much to Jane Eyre’s terror. I don’t want to spoil this for you, but it’s a captivating story, dark but in an interesting, old English countryside kind of way if you know what I mean. I’m pretty sure you don’t, so just go ahead and read the book and you will understand what I mean.

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

This is an interesting and weird read. I mean, the plot is so weird yet so captivating that you just keep reading, and reading, all the time wondering how it’s all going to turn out. It’s a tale of a young man who gets lost in an ideological quagmire which he unwisely decides to test in real life with disastrous consequences. The book is very well written, with interesting descriptions of how Russian society worked at the time. It was one of those un-put-downable books for me, and I’m sure it will be for you too.

1984 by George Orwell

The expression ‘Orwellian’ which denotes a brutal policy of draconian control by propaganda, surveillance, disinformation and denial of truth actually comes from George Orwell’s book 1984. This is the story of a dystopian society in which the government controls everything including people’s thoughts and this is taken to such an extreme that it seems comical and unrealistic at first. But a closer look at many societies under totalitarian dictatorships will show you that it is not so far-fetched, at least in terms of how far such dictatorships are willing to go in their effort to control their citizens. The novel seems to be a warning of some sort, probably a warning against accepting unfettered control by a government towards its citizens. It makes for a very interesting read and the fact that it has political undertones should not put you off because the way it is written is almost like an allegory. It’s the story of how one man woke up from this nightmare and how that turned out.