A narcissist is a predator.  He’s like a hungry lion searching for prey and if you happen to be among the unaware masses, then watch out.  He may be headed your way and he hopes you continue in your ignorance as to his true nature as this serves his purposes quite well.  The idea that a human being could prey upon another human being the same way animals in the wild do is something most people will instinctively find hard to accept.  But information about narcissists is becoming more wide spread in the collective consciousness and we are starting to wake up to the fact that there is a type of being out there that preys on others for energy.  You may have heard the term ‘energy vampire’ mentioned before and you probably thought it was new age nonsense that has nothing to do with real life.  Well, now we know that there are indeed human beings out there who prey on others for emotional energy and they may not be as rare as we all thought.  

Have you ever spent time with someone and thereafter you were left feeling emotionally drained?  Maybe they dumped all their problems on you and kept going on and on about how unfair life is to them and you found yourself comforting and reassuring and soothing and validating and on and on and on until finally you felt utterly exhausted?  Or alternatively, have you ever had a conversation with someone that left you feeling bad about yourself or feeling low or anxious or like a failure?  Maybe they made some subtle digs at you, gave you some back handed complements, made you feel incompetent, like a loser, etc.   Have you noticed that every time you talk to this person, you’re somehow left feeling the same way every single time?  It could be a close friend, a colleague, a supervisor, a manager, a family member, etc.  This person could very well be an energy vampire or what is more commonly known as a narcissist. A narcissist is simply someone with an inflated sense of self (grandiosity), a need for constant validation and a lack of emotional empathy.  A narcissist feeds off other people’s energy by either drawing positive energy from them (validation, praise, flattery etc.) or negative energy (anger, anxiety, fear, shame, etc.) The bad news is that most of us have one or more of such people in our lives.  The good news is that there are ways to protect yourself from being ensnared by a narcissist and especially more so as their intimate partner. 

A narcissist is simply someone with an inflated sense of self (grandiosity), a need for constant validation and a lack of emotional empathy. 

If you’re lucky, then you’ve only ever encountered a narcissist from afar e.g., at work, in school, etc. and it is relatively easy to keep your distance once you know what they are.  For some people however, the narcissist somehow manages to snake his way into their life and becomes a significant other such as a spouse, partner, girlfriend or boyfriend.  Narcissist commonly show their true colours once the person is safely in their grip and will then unleash horrors such as physical and emotional abuse, manipulations, humiliation, financial ruin, mental torture and so much more.  Getting out of these abusive situations proves almost impossible for many victims due to co dependence that comes about from trauma bonding.  The easiest way to beat a narcissist is to avoid falling into his trap in the first place. 

Narcissists as predators generally go to great lengths to identify their prey and they usually prefer targets with empathetic traits such as kindness, compassion, decency, truthfulness, humility, politeness, caring, etc.  Once identified, the narcissist goes all out in his seduction of the unsuspecting target and if unaware, the target won’t stand a chance.  Remember: the narcissist does not love you and is actually incapable of love; he only loves what he can get from you.   The ten tips below should help you avoid becoming ensnared by one.

1. Beware of the love bombing

In their haste and eagerness to ‘own’ you, the narcissist will engage in what is commonly known as love bombing.  This is whereby the narcissist bombards you with an exaggerated form of seduction which involves taking you out on expensive dates, buying you gifts, declaring his love through poetry, constantly texting you and calling you and visiting you and basically taking you on a whirlwind romance.  You will not know where he came from but suddenly, he will be all over your social media, your phone, your house, even your place of work.  You will literally be swept off your feet.  Now, the average person will most probably never have encountered this type of seduction and will likely find all the attention flattering and irresistible.  Unfortunately, this is all a big performance.   It is meant to dazzle you and blind you to the narcissist’s true intention which is to get you addicted to him as quickly as possible.  Obviously, a seduction of this magnitude cannot be sustained for a long period and thus you need to be acquired as quickly as possible (note: the narcissist sees you as an object to be acquired).  If you meet someone who seduces you in this manner, be careful.  You just may have fallen into the hands of narcissist. 

2. Notice the pushy behaviour

One of the things you will notice about a narcissist is that he is very pushy in the early stages of his seduction.  He will want you to spend the night with him after the first date and will push through any resistance you may have.  He will tell you he loves you by the second date and will push you to say you love him back.  He will want you to move in together after three weeks and will come up with all manner of clever arguments to counter your resistance. You will always feel as if the relationship is moving much faster than you would like it to but your reservations will be cleverly sidestepped as the narcissist takes the love bombing a notch higher.  The usual milestones that would normally take a much longer time will be achieved within no time.  The narcissist is eager to make you his and not in a good way.  Remember, the narcissist sees you as nothing more than a good source of energy even though he may not consciously be aware of this.  Such a wonderful source of energy cannot be allowed to get away but must be obtained through any means possible.

3. Observe his lack of respect for your boundaries

Boundaries mean nothing to a narcissist.  Due to his self-absorbed nature and lack of emotional empathy, he will not be thinking about you as he carries out his seduction but rather will be thinking about himself and getting his needs met.  Any boundary you put up will likely be trampled over and ignored.  A narcissist is all about using you for his own pleasure.  He sees you as an object and even as he seduces you, this will come across through a lack of respect for your boundaries.  He won’t care that you’d rather not do certain things and will keep pushing and pushing until all your resistance is worn out.  Narcissists lack empathy and have a sense of entitlement while their victims generally have a natural tendency to be polite and have difficulty saying no.  The narcissist will therefore delight in taking more and more and will display a callous disregard for your feelings.  If you find yourself with someone who constantly oversteps your boundaries, then it’s likely you are dealing with a narcissist.

4. Is he mirroring you?

Narcissist not only lack emotional empathy, they also lack the positive love-based emotions such as joy, happiness, compassion, generosity, etc.  Due to their inability to feel these emotions, they are left with no option but to mirror your emotions back to you in order to make it look like they feel the same way you do.  Not only that but they will also mirror your likes and dislikes, your interests, your preferences, etc.  This mirroring is quite subtle and if you are caught up in the love bombing you may not actually notice.   In effect what is happening is that you are falling in love with yourself.  The narcissist being completely empty inside has to come up with a fake persona and you being their target will form the template for this construct.  They will in effect become you in order to ensnare you.  You need to be wary if someone seems to be oddly similar to you.  Before you start rejoicing thinking you have finally found the person of your dreams who shares the same values and interests as you, remember if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

5. Does he lack respect for those he considers ‘beneath’ him?

One of the well-known characteristics of a narcissist is his or her sense of superiority.  He most likely feels superior to you but this side of him will not be coming out any time soon (he will save that for after the seduction).  However, he will not be able to hide his disdain when dealing with someone he considers beneath him.  When dealing with service staff such as waiters, gardeners, security guards or cleaners, his feelings of superiority will naturally come to the fore.  In fact, he may try to impress you by being rude to such people since in his twisted mind it shows how powerful he is.  He may treat you like royalty but he won’t be able to refrain from treating other people like trash.  This is a dead giveaway that you should not ignore especially when taken together with the other signs.

6. Avoid online dating and chat rooms

The internet must have been one of the happiest inventions as far as narcissists are concerned.  Being a predator in need of prey, the internet makes hunting so much easier for him.  From the comfort of his home, the narcissist can have a much wider reach than he would ever have hoped for if his only option was face to face interaction.  Social media might as well have been created specifically for narcissists as their kind are the ones who are best served by this technology.  Online dating sites and chat rooms are especially crawling with narcissists and if you’re using these forums as a way of meeting people and socializing, you are like little red riding hood walking all alone and defenseless in the woods.  You are literally swimming with sharks and it won’t be long before you find yourself trapped by one of their kind.  There is no accountability in the virtual world which allows them to easily engage in tactics such as catfishing, ghosting, hooking up with multiple people, using fake profiles, the list is endless.    Just save yourself the trouble and avoid these forums.

7. Avoid magical thinking

Do you believe in soulmates? Twin flames? Do you believe everyone has that special person they’re supposed to meet at some point in their lives?  Do you believe your other half is out there waiting for the day you’ll meet so that they complete you?  If you have these kinds of beliefs, then you’re vulnerable to being deceived by a narcissist.  These beliefs have their roots in Greek mythology; apparently at some point our soul divided into two and we are destined to spend lifetime after lifetime searching for our other half and we will never truly be happy until we find them.  So, when the narcissist comes along and bombards you with his fake love, you’re more likely to fall for his lies since you’re likely to feel that you’ve finally found your soulmate.  You are also more likely to hold on to the relationship when things start going south believing that what you have is meant to be.  You need to watch out for this kind of magical thinking.  You are a whole person, there is no one out there who is coming to complete you.

8. Listen to yourself

How do you feel when you are with the person seducing you?  Do you feel uneasy, anxious, as if something is not quite right?  This could be your subconscious mind warning you of something your conscious mind is not able to see.  Do you feel like you are constantly walking on egg shells when with him?  Narcissists are known for their fury which lies just beneath the surface and although this is usually well hidden during the seduction phase, you may well be able to sense it if say you criticize him or go against something he wants. It’s important to listen to yourself and not dismiss your feelings.  Those who grew up with narcissistic parents may have a harder time with this as they have been taught to suppress their feelings or that their feelings don’t matter.  They are used to behaving contrary to what they feel so they may not be alert to what their feelings are telling them.  This is why those who were brought up by narcissistic parents are more likely to end up with narcissistic partners.  Their internal defense mechanism is pretty much broken.  One of the things you need to do when dating is to listen to yourself, listen to what your body is telling you and honor those feelings.  You are under no obligation to get into a relationship if it doesn’t feel right even if this is just a vague feeling that you can’t quite put into words.

9. Don’t fall for future faking

One of the weapons a narcissist wields against his victim is future faking.  This is whereby a narcissist will very early on in a relation start talking about your future together e.g., marriage, kids, where you will live, places you will travel to, etc.  If you’ve been with someone for a reasonable length of time, maybe a year or so, then it is perfectly acceptable to start talking about your future together.  With a narcissist however, this will be done too early, maybe even by the second date or so.  The purpose of course is to bind you to him by making you feel as if he is very serious about you.  You may be flattered or feel special that he thinks this way about you so soon after meeting you.  It changes the way you look at the relationship.  The narcissist is cleverly taking advantage of what in most people is a very strong desire.  This obviously raises the stakes and makes it much harder for you to leave him.  If the person you just started dating starts talking about marriage or how many children you will have and what their names will be, beware.  You may well be in the arms of a narcissist.

10. Honor your needs

Narcissist usually target empaths.  Why?  Because these are the kind hearted, caring, decent human beings who will only be too happy to put everyone else’s needs before their own.  Narcissists know that the empath will always be giving and the narcissist is only too happy to always be taking.  Not only will he want to take everything you have to offer but it will not be enough for him.  One of the things you need to learn to do in order to avoid falling into the trap of a narcissist is to learn how to ask for your needs to be met.  Your needs are just as important as anyone else’s and there is no reason why you should always have to sacrifice your needs for someone else.  If you’ve just started dating someone, ask for something to gauge their reaction.  Ask to be taken to a certain restaurant or some place you’d like to go.  A narcissist wants to be in control and will want to be in charge of how the seduction unfolds. Remember, this is all a grand performance on his part.  He is not genuinely giving anything to you because giving is not in his nature.  His focus is on one thing and one thing only.  To make you his.  If you start asking for things, he will not want to do it.  The charming façade will most likely start slipping.  The other side of this coin is if you refuse the narcissist something he really wants.  With his sense of entitlement and lack of respect for boundaries, he will not readily accept or respect your refusal to do what he wants.  You might find that the seduction will not proceed quite so well if you turn out to be the kind of person who asks for things or refuses him things.