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Trauma Bonding: 17 Signs You’re a Victim and How to Break Free

Trauma bonding is a bond that is formed between an abuser and their victim due to a recurring pattern of punishment and reward that keeps the victim tied to the abuser and unable to break free. It is a kind of conditioning or programming that causes the victim to respond in unhealthy ways to a toxic person. The beginning stages of trauma bonds are formed when the abuser love-bombs the victim, causing a massive release of feel-good hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin. The love bombing is quickly followed by narcissistic abuse which appears suddenly and unexpectedly, plunging the victim into a downward spiral of shock and betrayal that can be compared to a drug addict going into withdrawal. The victim is left longing for the high, just like a drug addict longs for the high they receive from drugs. Thus begins the cycle of punishment and reward that traps the victim in a neurochemical bondage, no different from drug addiction. With time, the abuse gets worse while the rewards become rare, meaning the victim has no reason at all to remain in the relationship yet they find themselves unable to leave. When trying to understand why the victim doesn’t simply leave the abuser, we need to understand that the victim is struggling with an addiction, the same way a drug addict struggles with drug addiction.

The beginning stages of trauma bonds are formed when the abuser love-bombs the victim, causing a massive release of feel-good hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin. The love bombing is quickly followed by narcissistic abuse which appears suddenly and unexpectedly, plunging the victim into a downward spiral of shock and betrayal that can be compared to a drug addict going into withdrawal.

Most of us have grown up with an idea of “falling in love” that comes from the media, which equates falling in love with being under someone’s spell – thinking about them constantly, longing to be with them all the time, being unable to think rationally and giving up your autonomy for the sake of the person you fall in love with. This unfortunately sets us up to form trauma bonds with narcissists. If we expect love to look like the version we see in movies, we become prime targets for narcissists because we mistake the neurochemical addiction that occurs with love. We need to understand that love should not feel like an addiction and should not be painful or an emotional roller-coaster. Love should be joyful, harmonious and fulfilling.

Signs of trauma bonding:

The victim defends the relationship even though everyone around them has a negative reaction towards it. When friends, family members or others tell you that they don’t like the person you’re in a relationship with, it is wise to listen to what they have to say. If you find that you constantly have to defend your relationship, then there may be something you are not seeing. Many times, people outside the relationship can be more objective than you can. The reality is that many people, especially those who have been brought up by a narcissistic parent will not be able to detect when they are being emotionally abused. They may be so used to living with narcissistic abuse that they lose their ability to see it when it is happening to them. However painful it may be, listening to what others have to say about your relationship, especially those who love you and have nothing to gain from breaking up your relationship is the smart thing to do.
The victim is obsessed with the abuser even after they leave. A victim of trauma bonding will be unable to forget the abuser even when they abandon them. The victim continues longing for the abuser, missing him and hoping he will come back. The victim becomes trapped in an unending cycle of abuse, abandonment and betrayal followed by love. The victim is unable to move on as they are left longing for a return to the loving times. This means that the victim remains suspended, waiting for the abuser to give them the love they so desperately crave. Even though the abuser caused them immense pain, they feel like they cannot live without them.
Others are horrified at something that has happened but the victim isn’t. The abuser may physically hurt the victim or engage in unacceptable behaviour, but the victim is unable to see the seriousness of the matter. The victim may insist that the abuser has changed or has apologised and they do not seem to be aware of just how serious the abuse is. This is a clear sign of trauma bonding.
The victim feels loyal to the abuser and hides secrets that would be damaging to the abuser. The victim shows loyalty to the abuser even though it is completely undeserved. The victim identifies with the abuser and protects them, keeping the truth about the abuse to themselves. In this way, the abuser goes on with their lives and even abuses others without the threat of being exposed.
The victim continues to seek contact with the abuser even though it will cause them pain. This creates a cycle of breaking up and coming back together or the on-again-off-again type of relationship. Even though the abuser constantly betrays and hurts the victim, the victim is unable to stay away. This is why they say that it takes seven attempts before a victim finally breaks free from an abusive relationship. Even though the relationship is bad for them, they keep going back. The victim essentially becomes alienated from themselves and is unable to protect themselves. That instinct of self-preservation that motivates us to protect ourselves from harm is broken and the sense of self is shattered. The victim becomes conditioned to act in ways that are contrary to their own self-interest.
The victim becomes drawn to dangerous individuals. As a result of being in an abusive relationship, the victim develops a pattern in which they seek out or are attracted to dangerous individuals. It is almost as if they want to keep replaying their initial abuse or find such relationships thrilling. This is why it is so important to take time to heal after an abusive relationship before getting into another relationship. If you were in an abusive relationship and managed to get out, it is advisable to take time to understand why you ended up in such a relationship in the first place and to heal whatever wounds caused you to end up with such a person. Failure to do so risks repeating the same pattern over and over again.
The victim tries to change or save the abuser instead of just walking away. Many victims of abuse find themselves obsessively trying to change the abuser or feeling like they are the only ones who can save them. They develop a martyr complex which causes them to feel compelled to sacrifice themselves for the sake of the abuser. They are convinced that the abuser is a good person deep inside and that if they only make enough of an effort, the abuser will eventually change. But the reality is that abusers rarely change. The idea that you will change them is delusional. The best thing is to walk away and realise that it is not your responsibility or burden to change a toxic person.
The victim will go overboard in helping the abuser. Many abusers not only treat their victims badly but also commandeer their resources such as money or property. You will find victims who go out of their way to give money to the abuser or get them out of all sorts of situations. Even though the abuser has consistently proven themselves untrustworthy and unreliable, the victim will continue going out of their way to help them. In the end, the abuser may even take over the victim’s resources leaving them completely at their mercy.
The victim cannot leave the abuser even though they do not like, trust or care for the abuser. Trauma bonding is like drug addiction. Even though the victim does not like, trust or care for the abuser, they find themselves unable to leave. They will find ways to justify their continued attachment to the abuser, but the reality is that they are trapped in a cycle of reward and punishment that keeps them longing for the ever-decreasing crumbs of love that the abuser tosses their way. Even after they see the abuser for what he is, they still find it difficult to break the bond. It takes an almost herculean effort to break the emotional ties that bind the victims to the abuser.
The victim continues to play along even when things become dangerous or destructive. The victim is unable to leave the abuser even when their physical safety is compromised. Despite physical or sexual abuse, or even when loved ones beg them to leave, they continue staying with the abuser. They lose the desire or ability to resist the abuser, which is why in extreme cases, victims end up being killed by the abuser.
The victim continues trying to get the abuser to like them even though they clearly don’t care. The victim will try to do nice things for the abuser to get their attention. They will be kind to the abuser and become almost a doormat in an effort to please the abuser. They will walk on eggshells around the abuser, afraid to do anything that would anger them. Even when the abuser clearly shows that they do not care about them, the victim does everything in their power to get the abuser to show them the love they once showed them.
The victim trusts the abuser again and again even though they have proven unreliable. The victim uses emotional thinking when it comes to the abuser, i.e., they are unable to think logically or make logical decisions. Whenever the abuser abuses them, they manage to find ways to excuse the abusive behaviour – the abuser didn’t mean it, he was tired, the victim did something to annoy him, he will change, the victim just needs to try harder, no one understands the abuser, etc. The victim gives the abuser opportunity after opportunity to hurt them and never seems to learn from past actions. Just like drug addicts, they lose their ability to think rationally. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to overcome this way of thinking and stop making excuses for the abuser.
The victim chooses to stay in conflict with the abuser even though it would cost them nothing to walk away. The victim becomes so attached to the abuser that they engage in explosive fights with them rather than simply walk away from the relationship. Even when the relationship becomes so toxic that it makes no sense to continue in it, the victim stays put. They become afraid of losing the relationship even though they do not benefit in any way from being in a relationship with the abuser.
The abuser’s talent, charisma or contributions cause the victim to overlook destructive, exploitative or degrading behaviour. When the abuser is wealthy, a celebrity or in other ways an important person in society, the victim convinces themselves that they need to remain in the relationship. They view the abuser as superior to them and are unable to appreciate their own self-worth. They feel flattered by the abuser’s attention which causes them to ignore the abuse. This is why we hear of celebrities abusing people with impunity. Their wealth and position in society shield them from being answerable for their crimes.
The victim stays in a relationship longer than they should. Long after the relationship has become toxic and unbearable, the victim remains with the abuser using all sorts of justifications. They may have children together, joint property or businesses, or they may be unwilling to leave due to their history together. The victim is unable to see themselves as an individual deserving of happiness and a fulfilled life. They see themselves only as part of a couple. They are unable to envision life without the abuser. They may become so accustomed to the abuse that they normalise it and minimise it. Their self-worth is completely shattered by years of emotional abuse.
The victim sees how the abuser abuses others but thinks of themselves as the exception. In some cases, the victim is so convinced that the abuser loves them that even though they see how badly he treats other people, they still believe that they are the exception. The victim is unable to see that they too are a victim of the abuser. They think the abuser would never treat them badly because they are special or loved. Getting them to open their eyes and see the abuser for what he is may take quite some effort.
The victim internally sees the abuser as their controller. This causes the victim to constantly have internal conversations in which they justify themselves to the abuser. Whatever they do, they see the abuser as the one whose approval they need. They see themselves through the judgmental eyes of the abuser, feeling shame when they feel like they are letting them down or feeling as if they need to live up to the abuser’s expectations. The abuser becomes like God to the victim, the person they see looking over their shoulder in everything they do. The abuser is given too much power in the victim’s life, causing them to always conform to the abuser’s wishes. It takes intense introspection for the victim to become aware of the amount of control the abuser has over them.

How to overcome trauma bonding:

Recognize the trauma bond – One of the greatest barriers to overcoming trauma bonding is recognizing that you have one. Even though we may be aware that we are in a toxic relationship with someone, in most cases people just don’t realize that they have formed a trauma bond with the person. They do not understand that the reason they cannot simply leave even though they recognize the abuse is that they have formed a trauma bond with them. People who have been brought up by narcissistic parents are particularly prone to this. People in close relationships with psychopaths are also blind to their abusive nature due to their charming facades. If you’re in a toxic relationship which you are unable to leave even though you would like to, you should consider that you may have a trauma bond with the person.
Therapy – Breaking a trauma bond sometimes requires therapy. This is especially true for people who are trapped in abusive relationships with people who won’t easily let them go. Many abusers will not just casually let their victims go – the reason they abuse their victims is precisely because they want to keep them bound to themselves. In extreme cases, some people could be trapped in cults or other organised groups that ritually abuse them in order to control them. These abusers will not just let them go without a fight. Such trauma bonds cannot be broken through sheer willpower – they require therapy from knowledgeable psychologists.
No contact – Once you realize that you have a trauma bond with someone, the best way to break it is to break off all contact with the person. Trauma bonds are the hardest relationships to break because of the emotional, addictive element. The way we respond to the abuser is a conditioned response. The brain is conditioned to bypass normal, rational thinking and therefore breaking free is as difficult as breaking a drug addiction. It will require great determination to break off contact with the person. You will need to block them on all social media, email, phone, etc. It might mean changing your phone number so that the person can’t reach you. It may be difficult at first but with time it gets easier as the brain adjusts to functioning without the constant highs and lows.
Limit contact – In cases where it is completely impossible to break off contact, for example if you are co-parenting with the person, try as much as possible to limit contact with the person. Don’t talk to them unless it is absolutely necessary. Avoid face-to-face meetings or phone calls that could devolve into shouting matches. Determine the most impersonal way of communicating such as email or short, factual text messages and stick to that. Create as much distance between the two of you to weaken and eventually break the trauma bond.
Stop emotional thinking – The reason many people keep going back to abusive relationships is that they develop emotional thinking which keeps sabotaging their efforts to break free. Rather than use logic, they default to a way of thinking that allows them to justify going back to the abuser. Even if the person has proven again and again that they are unreliable, the victim still convinces themselves that this time will be different. Even if the person has clearly shown through their bad treatment that they do not love the victim, they continue telling themselves that the abuser loves them. Even if they have shown themselves to be an abusive, cruel person, the victim still tells themselves that deep down they are a good person. In other words, the victim is not using logic because their brain is bypassing the logical, analytical mind. If you recognise this type of thinking in yourself, you’ll need to counter the lies with cold logic based on an observation of the abuser’s behaviour.
Honour your feelings – Another reason it is so hard to break trauma bonding is that the victim learns to bury their feelings and does not trust that what they feel is valid. They learn that their feelings are unimportant and therefore they learn to suppress them. If they were brought up by a narcissistic parent, this process would have started from early childhood and will be their default way of being. To break this pattern, you need to recognize that your feelings are just as important as anyone else’s. Listen to what your body tells you and know that it is valid and should not be ignored.
Enforce boundaries – Victims of abuse usually find it hard to enforce boundaries. They have learnt that their needs are not important and that they should put other people’s needs before their own. Therefore, they allow people to treat them badly over and over again. One of the hardest things for such people is to say no to bad treatment. They are reluctant to appear rude or hurt someone else’s feelings. What they don’t understand is that the person they are so eager to protect has no similar feelings towards them. The abuser will have no qualms about hurting them or treating them badly. It is therefore their responsibility to enforce boundaries and make the decision not to accept abusive behaviour.

Unmasking the Covert Narcissist

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When you think of a narcissist, what is the first thing that comes to mind? For most of us, what comes to mind is the brash, aggressive, loud, confident person who will do anything to attract attention and whose ego walks into the room even before they do. This is the traditional view of the narcissist which many of us are aware of and it’s not incorrect, it’s just that this is nowhere near the full story. The reality is that there is a form of narcissism that is hidden from view, that is hard to detect except to the trained eye and if anything, is even more dangerous than overt narcissism which can be spotted from a mile away. This hidden form of narcissism is what is known as covert narcissism.

A narcissist, whether overt or covert is driven by the compulsion to have certain underlying needs met, which is what leads to their narcissistic, selfish behaviour. We know that narcissists crave attention, and while the overt narcissist will force you to meet this need through aggressive and unreasonable demands, the covert narcissist will use manipulation to get you to meet their needs. They may do this for example through pity plays whereby they portray themselves as the victim of life’s unfairness. The underlying need for attention is the same in both narcissists, it’s just that the strategy for meeting the need is different. We also know that narcissists have an inflated sense of their own importance. While the overt narcissist will openly show their inflated ego by putting down others or trying to outdo them, the covert narcissist will display this in more subtle ways such as through the belief that they are always right, which means they will hardly ever listen to or consider or accept others’ views. Covert narcissists also lack empathy just like overt narcissists do, it’s just that the covert narcissist hides their lack of empathy through the good-guy act. The overt narcissist simply doesn’t care what you think of his behaviour towards you while the covert narcissist is always haunted by the threat of exposure and will therefore go to great lengths to hide their real self. They will sabotage you while pretending to be innocently unaware of what they are doing, maybe even apologizing profusely when you confront them, but this is just an act. At their core, they are not good people and will behave in the same ways over and over again, all the while pretending to be the good guy.

The overt narcissist simply doesn’t care what you think of his behaviour towards you while the covert narcissist is always haunted by the threat of exposure and will therefore go to great lengths to hide their real self.

The interesting thing about covert narcissists is that they genuinely believe they are the good guys. You will find this type of narcissist hidden behind a façade of godliness, family man, best friend, advisor, counsellor, etc. The most dangerous thing about the covert narcissist is that you won’t see them coming. At least with the overt narcissist, once you know how to identify the signs, it becomes very easy to spot them and thus keep your distance. With the covert narcissist, it’s a whole new ball game. This person could be in your life for decades, draining your energy and driving you almost to the point of insanity, but you will never know that you are dealing with a narcissist. Many people in long term relationships with covert narcissists attribute their troubled relationships to normal relationship hiccups that can be resolved if only they are patient enough, put in enough effort or love their partner enough. But despite everything, the relationship never gets better, it only keeps getting worse until eventually after decades of suffering, they may decide to throw in the towel and leave. The irony is that to the outside world, it will always appear as if they were married to the perfect person, the ultimate good guy, and no one will understand why they decided to leave.

What could cause a narcissist to go into stealth mode? In many cases, it may be because the narcissist himself was brought up by a narcissistic parent and they learnt early enough that they had to hide their own narcissism in order to survive their narcissistic parent. They simple learnt other ways of meeting their narcissistic needs without antagonizing their narcissistic parent. It could also be that the narcissist simply developed the most efficient way of meeting his needs in line with his personality. While the overt narcissist will use aggression and force to have his needs met, the covert narcissist simply learnt that he is most likely to have his needs met through manipulation. Therefore, the underlying need is still being met, it’s just that each type of narcissist uses a different strategy to achieve this.

So now that we know that narcissists do not all behave the same, how do we identify the covert narcissist and keep ourselves from falling into their dangerous traps? Well, there are some signs to look out for that could help you identify this type of person but you need to pay close attention as they are subtle and will likely not ring any alarm bells at the beginning of a relationship. If you are already in a long term relationship with a covert narcissist, these signs will help you understand what you are dealing with and why no matter how hard you try your relationship never seems to settle down into an easy, harmonious ride but is always full of bumps.

They are passive-aggressive

A covert narcissist will never confront you head-on; they would rather hide their aggression and fury and passively confront you. For example, they may retreat behind a wall of silence, giving you the silent treatment which may go on for extended periods. By not confronting you directly but rather showing their displeasure in this manner, it enables them to maintain their good-guy image and at the same time manipulate you into wanting to restore the peace. For normal people, the silent treatment is an unbearable punishment that hits you at your very core making you want to do anything to end it, even if it means apologizing and taking the blame for something that was not your fault. The covert narcissist lacking in empathy can employ sustained silent treatments without themselves feeling the pain that a normal person feels. Other forms of passive-aggression they employ include coming late or not showing up for meetings or dates thereby communicating how unimportant you are. They may also embarrass you with other people present knowing that you can do nothing about it, then later behave as if nothing happened or as if it was all innocent fun. If you suspect you may be in a relationship with a covert narcissist, think about all the ways they treat you badly while still maintaining an image of themselves as the good guy. Think of the ways they make it look like they are not really doing anything while you who are on the receiving end know they are doing something and whatever it is they are doing is hurtful.

2. They think of themselves as victims

The covert narcissist always has a sob story from their past that they use to manipulate you into pitying them and giving them the attention they need. They will talk about how their last girlfriend cheated on them, how their parents divorced when they were young and they never got over it, how their boss has it in for them and is making their life miserable, how their colleagues at work are jealous and take all the credit for their achievement, how they were abused as children, how they lost their jobs and can’t find a new one, etc. The thing is, no one is denying that bad things happen to people all the time. The fact is, bad things do happen to everyone, but one way or the other, we learn to cope, we overcome these problems and maybe even learn from them and grow to become better people. We were never meant to remain in the same place years later, blaming all our problems on our parents’ divorce or our cheating spouse. We are supposed to learn our lessons from whatever happened and move on to become better people. The covert narcissist however will not want to move on from whatever happened in the past. They will use this victimhood to paint themselves in a positive light or to make themselves appear like a martyr. They will drain your energy with their constant need for validation and reassurance which goes beyond the normal need for comfort that one experiences immediately after something bad happens to them. The covert narcissist will wear their victimhood like a cloak that is constant and unchanging which therefore means they need to be handled with tender loving care all the time. Mind you meanwhile, they will not be interested in hearing about your suffering but will expect you to provide a listening ear to their woes. It is a constant need for attention that will eventually drain you and drive you up the wall.

3. They lack emotional availability

One hallmark of narcissists is their lack of emotional availability and this is true of the covert narcissist as well. If you’re in a long-term relationship with a covert narcissist, you will feel alone in the relationship. They will be there with you in the physical sense, but you might as well be alone in the relationship for all the emotional support you will get from them. Whereas they will expect you to listen to them and support them in whatever they may be going through, the same courtesy will not be accorded to you. Your issues will be minimized if not dismissed altogether, while their issues will be made to feel life-threatening and all-important. They will suck all your emotional energy until you constantly feel drained, but they will never invest their emotions in you. If you go through difficulties, be it a job loss, difficulties at work, or the loss of a loved one, you will do it alone. While the covert narcissist will be good at making all the right noises e.g., claiming to want to work at the relationship, with time you will realize that that’s all they are, noises, but underneath there is no real interest in making the changes necessary to make the relationship work. If you find yourself feeling as if you are all alone in a relationship, then your partner could be a covert narcissist.

4. They will never compliment you

When you’re in a normal, healthy relationship with a normal, healthy person, you will always find things about each other that you appreciate, that you want to compliment. With a covert narcissist, this will be strangely absent. Due to their inner insecurities or perhaps inflated ego, they will never want to admit that you can do anything good or anything worthy of complimenting. Behind this is also the fact that the narcissist probably envies you for the qualities you have that they will never have. Ironically, these qualities are the same ones that drew the narcissist to you, that made you a target, but once in a relationship with them, they will envy you for your positive qualities and thus you will never hear a compliment come out of their mouths. At the end of the day, a narcissist wants to feel like they are better than you, hence the subtle put-downs you experience from them. They will deny you the satisfaction of feeling good about something you have done or a positive quality you possess. Think of the sullen bully in the playground who feels bad when everyone is happy and having a good time. How likely is it that this kind of person will ever compliment you for the good in you when anything good in you only draws attention away from them?

5. They are empty inside

When you spend enough time with a narcissist, there is one thing that will always gnaw at you at the back of your mind. This person feels empty in a way that you can’t quite put your finger on. With time, you start realizing that you don’t know who this person is however long you have been with them. Whereas with a normal, healthy person, you will always get a sense of who they are in terms of their likes and dislikes, their beliefs, their opinions, their quirks and proclivities, with a covert narcissist you will get the sense almost like they are playing a role. You will almost feel like they don’t know who they are because they are like chameleons that adapt to whatever environment they are in. Sometimes you will feel as if they are taking on your characteristics; for example, if at some point in the past you expressed interest in something, you will hear them later proclaim interest in the same thing without ever mentioning that they got the idea from you. You will also notice that they subtly behave like whoever they happen to be hanging out with at the time. This emptiness is a particular trait of narcissists whereby they adapt to whatever environment they are in and become whoever they need to be in order to have their needs met. With a covert narcissist, this is very subtle and you may not notice it as easily as you will notice it with the overt narcissist who will display his emptiness conspicuously in his eagerness to draw you in. With the covert narcissist, this is, unfortunately, something you may only notice after a long time of being with them. You may experience this almost as a niggling feeling, a question in your mind that surfaces from time to time: who are you?

6. They have troubled relationships

Due to their difficult nature, narcissists have one characteristic in common and that is their troubled relationships. With the overt narcissist, this will not be so difficult to understand as their aggressive, ruthless or openly brutal nature is easy to observe. With the covert narcissist, it will be more subtle. Although they come across as good guys, you will find that they have many troubled relationships at work, at home, with ex-partners, with siblings, parents or even with people who were previously their friends. The reality is, even though they may be able to fool some people with their good guy act, their underlying selfishness will always cause problems in their relationships. Naturally, with their victimhood mentality, they will have various ways to justify these troubled relationships and they may somehow succeed in fooling you. But the longer you stay with them, the more you will start to question whether the problem is the other people or the problem lies with them. It’s normal of course to have one or two troubled relationships, but if you observe this pattern consistently manifest itself in all their relationships, then you need to start questioning the narrative which paints them as the victim. Is it true that they cannot hold a job because all their bosses somehow have it in for them? Is it probable that all their colleagues are jealous of their accomplishments? Is it possible that all their exes are evil, manipulative people? Or is the problem seated right there in front of you in form of the covert narcissist?

7. They feel as if they own you

If you have been with a narcissist for any length of time, you will start having the vague feeling that this person thinks they own you. They will somehow want to curtail your freedoms, they will want to know where you’re going and what you’re doing and who you’re with, they will want to control what you do with your money, how you dress, who your friends are, etc. It is almost as if they see you as an extension of themselves. Rather than seeing you as a human being in your own right with your own personhood, they see you as part of them. With the covert narcissist, this will be done in subtle ways such as going through your phone, using sarcasm to manipulate you into doing what they want, lecturing you about the kind of people you hang out with, etc. While the overt narcissist will aggressively exert their control over you through brutal force, the covert narcissist will manipulate you into doing what he wants for example by questioning your choices, by mocking what you want to do, or by pretending to be concerned about you. In the end, without quite understanding why you will feel that this person thinks they own you and they are convinced of their right to exert their will over you.

While the overt narcissist will aggressively exert their control over you through brutal force, the covert narcissist will manipulate you into doing what he wants for example by questioning your choices, by mocking what you want to do, or by pretending to be concerned about you.

8. They think they know it all / they think they are God

When you spend enough time in a relationship with a covert narcissist, you will realize that the possibility that they could ever be wrong seldom crosses their mind. As far as they are concerned, they are always right and thus it is their way or the highway. It is almost as if they think they are God, so convinced are they of how right they are or how wise their views are. Whatever opinion or view they have seems to them to have come straight from God, thereby affirming their oneness with God. And if they are one with God, aren’t they then God? If God is speaking through them, doesn’t that then mean that when they speak it is the voice of God that is speaking? And if you argue with them, aren’t you arguing with God? If you happen to be with the religious types, they will be firm believers in the ideology that God has placed his mantle of leadership on them and thus they have a God-given right to rule over you. They will firmly believe in the natural hierarchy or order of things whereby God speaks to them and they, in turn, speak God’s word to you. It will never occur to them that God could speak directly to you. So firm is their conviction that we might as well dispense with the necessity of having a God who is separate from them and instead consider them as God Himself in the flesh.