Tag Archives: narcissist

The Psychology of the UN Security Council

The UN Security Council is made up of five permanent members. The United States, Russia, China, France and Britain. These five countries are the most powerful countries in the world, in terms of economic might, military strength, including the fact that they are all nuclear powers, and geopolitical influence. Two of these countries – Britain and France – are former colonial powers, with vast empires that spanned large areas of the globe. The United States is the world’s richest country, followed closely by China. Russia has the largest nuclear arsenal in the world, and was, until the 90s, part of the Soviet Union. As permanent members of the UN Security Council, these five countries have immense powers, which include intervening militarily in any part of the world and vetoing anything they don’t agree with. You could say that these countries run the world. It is, therefore, in my opinion, imperative that we look at the psychology of these countries, because of the powerful place they hold in the running of planetary affairs. The rest of the world is held captive by the actions of these five countries, including their so-called ‘great power competition’ and their ability to veto all other countries of the world combined.

What do I mean when I talk about the psychology of these countries? It is an observable fact that countries have a national character, the same way human beings have an individual character. People who live in a country tend to behave in a certain way that is unique to that country. That is why whenever someone visits a country, they usually come out with an impression of how the people of that country are. The people themselves may or may not be aware of their national character, but visitors to the country often leave with an impression about the character of the inhabitants of the country. We often hear people comment that Kenyans are like this, Americans are like that, the French are like this, etc. Due to similarities in culture, language, education systems, beliefs, religion, etc, a country will have a national character that is observable by others. This is what I am referring to when I talk about the psychology of the UN Security Council. These are my impressions of the countries that make up the UN Security Council and how their psychology affects how they run the world.

The world is currently in chaos, and has been in chaos for a very long time. The UN Security Council seems to either be unable or unwilling to bring about the peace that most people on earth aspire to, even though this is supposed to be their core mandate. I think it is fair to say that the Security Council is exhibiting dark triad traits. Any rational person observing how the most powerful nations behave on the world stage will conclude that these countries are not mentally sound. Whether it’s through the exercise of their veto powers to oppose any attempts at peace-making, their military interventions that invariably make matters worse or their endless debates about the wording of some statement while the situation spirals out of control, the UN Security Council keeps proving time and time again that its members are of the dark triad.

For those who do not know what the dark triad is, it is a combination of three dark personality types – narcissism, psychopathy/sociopathy and Machiavellianism – in an individual or institution. I am expanding the definition to include an institution, in this case, the UN Security Council. These three personality disorders make up the dark triad, which is one of the most dangerous disorders a person can have. Each of these disorders on its own is bad enough. The combination of all three disorders in one individual or institution is a dangerous, destructive, and scary phenomenon that no one should ever have the misfortune to encounter in their lifetime. Unfortunately, all of us on the planet are subject to a dark triad institution in the form of the UN Security Council. This explains why, despite so much effort by so many institutions, including regional bodies, NGOs, humanitarian organisations, religious institutions, and the UN General Assembly, we never seem to achieve world peace. We always seem to default to war and chaos. The UN Security Council, the very institution that has the power to immediately end all wars and bring about the peaceful coexistence we all long for, seems to constantly dig us deeper into confrontations, wars and diplomatic failures.

The Psychopath

Psychopathy is characterised by superficial charm, manipulativeness, lack of empathy or guilt, impulsivity, and a fearless, high-risk-taking disposition. The United States is the psychopath of the UN Security Council. We see it all the time in how the US vetoes resolutions that would bring about peace, for example, in the case of the war in Gaza. We see it in the US’s resolute defense and support of Israel, even while Israel is being accused of genocide and its leaders wanted by the ICC for crimes against humanity. Clearly, the US believes it is above the law. We see this in the US refusal to be part of the ICC and its sanctioning of the judges who delivered an arrest warrant against Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. We see their psychopathy in the way they keep the world supplied with weapons, even while presenting themselves as a force for good. They have no conscience and no empathy for the people they destroy. We see the US’s psychopathy in how they overthrow democratically elected governments and how they threaten to go to war with countries that refuse to submit, for example, in the recent case where Nigeria was threatened with invasion. We see it in their refusal to participate in global forums that do not bend to their will, for example, the recent COP30 and the G20. The US is so convinced of its superiority that it does not realise how its behaviour on the world stage comes across as embarrassing for a country that claims to be a superpower. Even the notion of a country being a superpower is an embarrassing, egotistical claim that a mature, rational country would never claim to be. The US’s psychopathy is also clear from its history of slavery and the racism that persists to this day. The Americans seem completely incapable of accepting that black people are equal to white people, the same way they are unable to accept that the US is equal to other countries.

The Sociopath

Sociopathy is characterised by a pervasive disregard for the rights of others, lack of empathy, and persistent rule-breaking. The condition is associated with a profound lack of conscience and can lead to difficulties in relationships, employment, and legal issues. The sociopath of the group is France. Unlike psychopathy, which is a genetic and biological disorder, sociopathy is a product of nurture. This means they are more likely to display antisocial behaviours, such as problems with the law and an inability to fit into society, whereas the psychopath is more adept at wearing a mask of sanity. France’s sociopathy can be seen from its history of slavery, its colonial past, and its neo-colonial present. France was known for its extreme brutality towards its enslaved and colonised people. The way France treated Haiti, for example, is particularly horrifying. France was known to be so brutal towards Haiti that new slaves coming to work in the sugar plantations would last a mere ten years before dying from the grim working conditions. When Haitians fought and won their freedom, the French took this with characteristic vengefulness. They forced the Haitians to compensate them for the loss of their ‘property’ (the slaves), a debt burden that has inflicted generational poverty upon Haiti that has persisted to this day. In their West African colonies, France was also known for its brutality, but it is the way they departed from the former colonies at independence that particularly stands out. With the same mafia-like vengefulness they displayed towards Haiti, France forced the West African countries to join Françafrique, which is the political, economic, military, and cultural networks that France has maintained with its former colonies in sub-Saharan Africa since independence, often described as a form of neocolonialism. When Guinea refused to join this grouping, which was supposedly voluntary, it was utterly destroyed and sabotaged by the departing French. For years after independence, France carried out almost non-stop military interventions in the former colonies to keep them in check. This level of lawlessness on the part of France can only be described as sociopathic. To this day, Françafrique has kept several West African countries under the control of France, although these chains are starting to weaken. France is not taking this new development well, with brutal attempts to hold on to this neo-colonial structure on display.

The Machiavellian

Machiavellianism is a personality trait characterised by manipulation, emotional coldness, and a cynical worldview, where individuals prioritise their own self-interest and use deceit or exploitation to achieve personal goals, often at the expense of others. The Machiavellian of the group is Britain. Despite its brutal colonial past spanning centuries and covering vast geographical regions of the planet, Britain still somehow manages to come across today as the paternalistic, benevolent benefactor of its former colonies. The commonwealth is an attempt by Britain to maintain control of its former colonies, without the nasty, neo-colonial overtones of France. It’s an attempt to look fatherly and concerned for the former colonies, a father figure wanting nothing more than the advancement of the former colonies. This is blatant deception, because Britain is only concerned with maintaining its control of the former colonies. Britain’s Machiavellianism can be observed from its monarchy, an institution that pretends to have no power or influence over what happens in the UK or the world, while pulling the strings in the background. It is a well-known fact that the monarchies of Europe started retreating into quasi democratic arrangements after the brutal overthrow of the French monarchy in 1789, out of fear that the same fate would befall them. In these new arrangements, power was supposedly held by democratically elected governments, while the monarchies only held ceremonial power. But we all know that this is not actually the case, but a Machiavellian deception of the masses. The monarchies still pull the strings in the background, and it is naïve of anyone to believe that they simply handed over power and accepted their new roles. The monarchies are, in reality, the puppet masters, while the governments are the puppets being controlled from behind the scenes. Britain has perfected the art of appearing to be one thing in public, while being something else entirely in the background. Let’s not forget that when Ukraine was about to arrive at a peace treaty with Russia, a few months after the war began, it was Britain that rushed to Ukraine and stopped the treaty from happening.

The Narcissist

Narcissism is defined as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for excessive admiration, and a lack of empathy. Russia is the Narcissist of the UN Security Council. Russia has been engaged in a great power struggle with the West for as long as anyone can remember, and seems unable to define itself other than in relation to the West. They seem to constantly be trying to prove that they are as good as the West. Russia has been engaged in a passive-aggressive confrontation with the West since the days of the Cold War, which almost resulted in nuclear annihilation of the planet during the Cuban Missile Crisis. The entire war with Ukraine came about because Ukraine wanted to join NATO. While Russia seems to believe that this would be an existential threat, it’s not clear how Ukraine’s joining NATO would affect Russia. The idea that there must be a buffer zone between NATO countries and Russia shows a grandiose self-image on the part of Russia. The truth is, Ukraine joining NATO would be neither here nor there. But for a country steeped in grandiosity, this feels like a red line that must never be crossed, even to the point of going to a destructive war that has caused untold suffering not just to Ukraine but to the world. We are also seeing Russia’s narcissism in its passive-aggressive attempt to gain influence in Africa. It’s one thing to want to trade and cooperate with Africa from a genuine desire to advance mutual interests, but in the case of Russia, it is only doing this as a passive-aggressive, egotistical stance meant to goad the West. Russia’s inability to simply live its own life as an independent country, not at odds with anyone, exposes it for the narcissist it is.

The Sane one

This brings us to the final member of the UN Security Council, China. As far as I can tell, China is the only sane member of the UN Security Council. But unfortunately, China has a see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil attitude, which means it has failed to live up to its potential. China remains silent as the other members of the UN Security Council run amok, causing havoc everywhere they turn. China, in its dealings with most countries, refuses to take a moral stand, preferring to quietly trade without standing up for human rights. This is a failure on its part and a waste of its huge potential. When Israel started its genocidal campaign in Gaza, it was South Africa that brought a case to the ICJ. South Africa is still suffering today from the wrath of the Americans, who are staunch allies of Israel, through the false accusations of white farmer genocide, and the US boycott of the G20 meeting that was held in South Africa. China is powerful enough to stand up to any country on the globe, but this potential is going to waste. China also boasts of having lifted millions of people out of poverty, while a rich country like the US has people living in poverty, in a land of plenty. China has the moral authority that the US falsely claims to have. Not that China is perfect – we all know about its authoritarianism and the suppression of individual rights. But if there is a non-aggressive country that does not have a history of slavery or colonialism and is quietly working towards the economic uplifting of not only its own citizens but citizens of the world through its Belt and Road Initiative, it is China. China needs to step up, as the only sane member of the Security Council and as a respected partner of many countries in the global South.

Bonus: The Sadist

The dark triad is sometimes referred to as the dark tetrad when sadism is added to the mix. For purposes of my analysis of the UN Security Council, I used the dark triad because none of the members of the UN Security Council display sadism. But as a bonus, I am adding Israel to the list, a country that is not part of the UN Security Council but takes the sadism crown. Sadism is defined as the derivation of pleasure from the infliction of physical pain or psychological suffering on another person. It is characterised by a persistent and intense pattern of fantasies, urges, or behaviours involving the suffering of others. In Israel’s treatment of Palestinians, we see their sadism in full display. They seem to enjoy the suffering of the Palestinians, even going as far as randomly shooting and killing Palestinians who show up to collect food at humanitarian centres. Their sadism is displayed in their intentional killing of children, which has horrified the world. While killing is never a good thing, no matter who is killed, most people have an instinctive urge to protect children. Israel seems to deliberately target children to cause maximum psychological suffering not just on Palestinians, but the entire world that is constantly bombarded with news and images of the killings. We have seen Israel’s sadism in their denial of humanitarian aid to Palestinians, going as far as killing aid workers who are desperate to supply aid. What Israel is doing goes beyond war, which is horrifying enough. Israel seems to enjoy inflicting unnecessary pain and suffering on others.

Conclusion

Now that we know that the forces that run our world are dark triad in nature, what can be done about this? The only way to stop such people is through raising the awareness of the public as to the evil nature of these dark triad institutions. The world right now is at a very low state of awareness, meaning that most people don’t see anything wrong with how the world is run. Most people don’t see anything unnatural about world leaders who scuttle peace efforts, who start wars and threaten to start wars, who exhibit inflated egos and believe themselves above the law, and who keep the world in never-ending chaos. When we start seeing that this is not normal, then we will stop remaining silent and start demanding change. It’s like growing up in a family where the parents are mentally ill. When you are young, you accept their unstable behaviour as just how things are, because that is all you have ever known. But when you grow up, and the true horror of your parents’ behaviour sinks in, you can finally break away from their control as you recognise how much chaos and suffering their mental illness has caused you. This is what needs to happen in the world. We need to start understanding that the chaos in the world is not accidental. It is being caused by individuals and institutions with dark triad personality disorder, and it is time we broke free from their control.

Trauma Bonding: 17 Signs You’re a Victim and How to Break Free

Leave a reply

Trauma bonding is a bond that is formed between an abuser and their victim due to a recurring pattern of punishment and reward that keeps the victim tied to the abuser and unable to break free. It is a kind of conditioning or programming that causes the victim to respond in unhealthy ways to a toxic person. The beginning stages of trauma bonds are formed when the abuser love-bombs the victim, causing a massive release of feel-good hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin. The love bombing is quickly followed by narcissistic abuse which appears suddenly and unexpectedly, plunging the victim into a downward spiral of shock and betrayal that can be compared to a drug addict going into withdrawal. The victim is left longing for the high, just like a drug addict longs for the high they receive from drugs. Thus begins the cycle of punishment and reward that traps the victim in a neurochemical bondage, no different from drug addiction. With time, the abuse gets worse while the rewards become rare, meaning the victim has no reason at all to remain in the relationship yet they find themselves unable to leave. When trying to understand why the victim doesn’t simply leave the abuser, we need to understand that the victim is struggling with an addiction, the same way a drug addict struggles with drug addiction.

The beginning stages of trauma bonds are formed when the abuser love-bombs the victim, causing a massive release of feel-good hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin. The love bombing is quickly followed by narcissistic abuse which appears suddenly and unexpectedly, plunging the victim into a downward spiral of shock and betrayal that can be compared to a drug addict going into withdrawal.

Most of us have grown up with an idea of “falling in love” that comes from the media, which equates falling in love with being under someone’s spell – thinking about them constantly, longing to be with them all the time, being unable to think rationally and giving up your autonomy for the sake of the person you fall in love with. This unfortunately sets us up to form trauma bonds with narcissists. If we expect love to look like the version we see in movies, we become prime targets for narcissists because we mistake the neurochemical addiction that occurs with love. We need to understand that love should not feel like an addiction and should not be painful or an emotional roller-coaster. Love should be joyful, harmonious and fulfilling.

Signs of trauma bonding:

The victim defends the relationship even though everyone around them has a negative reaction towards it. When friends, family members or others tell you that they don’t like the person you’re in a relationship with, it is wise to listen to what they have to say. If you find that you constantly have to defend your relationship, then there may be something you are not seeing. Many times, people outside the relationship can be more objective than you can. The reality is that many people, especially those who have been brought up by a narcissistic parent will not be able to detect when they are being emotionally abused. They may be so used to living with narcissistic abuse that they lose their ability to see it when it is happening to them. However painful it may be, listening to what others have to say about your relationship, especially those who love you and have nothing to gain from breaking up your relationship is the smart thing to do.
The victim is obsessed with the abuser even after they leave. A victim of trauma bonding will be unable to forget the abuser even when they abandon them. The victim continues longing for the abuser, missing him and hoping he will come back. The victim becomes trapped in an unending cycle of abuse, abandonment and betrayal followed by love. The victim is unable to move on as they are left longing for a return to the loving times. This means that the victim remains suspended, waiting for the abuser to give them the love they so desperately crave. Even though the abuser caused them immense pain, they feel like they cannot live without them.
Others are horrified at something that has happened but the victim isn’t. The abuser may physically hurt the victim or engage in unacceptable behaviour, but the victim is unable to see the seriousness of the matter. The victim may insist that the abuser has changed or has apologised and they do not seem to be aware of just how serious the abuse is. This is a clear sign of trauma bonding.
The victim feels loyal to the abuser and hides secrets that would be damaging to the abuser. The victim shows loyalty to the abuser even though it is completely undeserved. The victim identifies with the abuser and protects them, keeping the truth about the abuse to themselves. In this way, the abuser goes on with their lives and even abuses others without the threat of being exposed.
The victim continues to seek contact with the abuser even though it will cause them pain. This creates a cycle of breaking up and coming back together or the on-again-off-again type of relationship. Even though the abuser constantly betrays and hurts the victim, the victim is unable to stay away. This is why they say that it takes seven attempts before a victim finally breaks free from an abusive relationship. Even though the relationship is bad for them, they keep going back. The victim essentially becomes alienated from themselves and is unable to protect themselves. That instinct of self-preservation that motivates us to protect ourselves from harm is broken and the sense of self is shattered. The victim becomes conditioned to act in ways that are contrary to their own self-interest.
The victim becomes drawn to dangerous individuals. As a result of being in an abusive relationship, the victim develops a pattern in which they seek out or are attracted to dangerous individuals. It is almost as if they want to keep replaying their initial abuse or find such relationships thrilling. This is why it is so important to take time to heal after an abusive relationship before getting into another relationship. If you were in an abusive relationship and managed to get out, it is advisable to take time to understand why you ended up in such a relationship in the first place and to heal whatever wounds caused you to end up with such a person. Failure to do so risks repeating the same pattern over and over again.
The victim tries to change or save the abuser instead of just walking away. Many victims of abuse find themselves obsessively trying to change the abuser or feeling like they are the only ones who can save them. They develop a martyr complex which causes them to feel compelled to sacrifice themselves for the sake of the abuser. They are convinced that the abuser is a good person deep inside and that if they only make enough of an effort, the abuser will eventually change. But the reality is that abusers rarely change. The idea that you will change them is delusional. The best thing is to walk away and realise that it is not your responsibility or burden to change a toxic person.
The victim will go overboard in helping the abuser. Many abusers not only treat their victims badly but also commandeer their resources such as money or property. You will find victims who go out of their way to give money to the abuser or get them out of all sorts of situations. Even though the abuser has consistently proven themselves untrustworthy and unreliable, the victim will continue going out of their way to help them. In the end, the abuser may even take over the victim’s resources leaving them completely at their mercy.
The victim cannot leave the abuser even though they do not like, trust or care for the abuser. Trauma bonding is like drug addiction. Even though the victim does not like, trust or care for the abuser, they find themselves unable to leave. They will find ways to justify their continued attachment to the abuser, but the reality is that they are trapped in a cycle of reward and punishment that keeps them longing for the ever-decreasing crumbs of love that the abuser tosses their way. Even after they see the abuser for what he is, they still find it difficult to break the bond. It takes an almost herculean effort to break the emotional ties that bind the victims to the abuser.
The victim continues to play along even when things become dangerous or destructive. The victim is unable to leave the abuser even when their physical safety is compromised. Despite physical or sexual abuse, or even when loved ones beg them to leave, they continue staying with the abuser. They lose the desire or ability to resist the abuser, which is why in extreme cases, victims end up being killed by the abuser.
The victim continues trying to get the abuser to like them even though they clearly don’t care. The victim will try to do nice things for the abuser to get their attention. They will be kind to the abuser and become almost a doormat in an effort to please the abuser. They will walk on eggshells around the abuser, afraid to do anything that would anger them. Even when the abuser clearly shows that they do not care about them, the victim does everything in their power to get the abuser to show them the love they once showed them.
The victim trusts the abuser again and again even though they have proven unreliable. The victim uses emotional thinking when it comes to the abuser, i.e., they are unable to think logically or make logical decisions. Whenever the abuser abuses them, they manage to find ways to excuse the abusive behaviour – the abuser didn’t mean it, he was tired, the victim did something to annoy him, he will change, the victim just needs to try harder, no one understands the abuser, etc. The victim gives the abuser opportunity after opportunity to hurt them and never seems to learn from past actions. Just like drug addicts, they lose their ability to think rationally. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to overcome this way of thinking and stop making excuses for the abuser.
The victim chooses to stay in conflict with the abuser even though it would cost them nothing to walk away. The victim becomes so attached to the abuser that they engage in explosive fights with them rather than simply walk away from the relationship. Even when the relationship becomes so toxic that it makes no sense to continue in it, the victim stays put. They become afraid of losing the relationship even though they do not benefit in any way from being in a relationship with the abuser.
The abuser’s talent, charisma or contributions cause the victim to overlook destructive, exploitative or degrading behaviour. When the abuser is wealthy, a celebrity or in other ways an important person in society, the victim convinces themselves that they need to remain in the relationship. They view the abuser as superior to them and are unable to appreciate their own self-worth. They feel flattered by the abuser’s attention which causes them to ignore the abuse. This is why we hear of celebrities abusing people with impunity. Their wealth and position in society shield them from being answerable for their crimes.
The victim stays in a relationship longer than they should. Long after the relationship has become toxic and unbearable, the victim remains with the abuser using all sorts of justifications. They may have children together, joint property or businesses, or they may be unwilling to leave due to their history together. The victim is unable to see themselves as an individual deserving of happiness and a fulfilled life. They see themselves only as part of a couple. They are unable to envision life without the abuser. They may become so accustomed to the abuse that they normalise it and minimise it. Their self-worth is completely shattered by years of emotional abuse.
The victim sees how the abuser abuses others but thinks of themselves as the exception. In some cases, the victim is so convinced that the abuser loves them that even though they see how badly he treats other people, they still believe that they are the exception. The victim is unable to see that they too are a victim of the abuser. They think the abuser would never treat them badly because they are special or loved. Getting them to open their eyes and see the abuser for what he is may take quite some effort.
The victim internally sees the abuser as their controller. This causes the victim to constantly have internal conversations in which they justify themselves to the abuser. Whatever they do, they see the abuser as the one whose approval they need. They see themselves through the judgmental eyes of the abuser, feeling shame when they feel like they are letting them down or feeling as if they need to live up to the abuser’s expectations. The abuser becomes like God to the victim, the person they see looking over their shoulder in everything they do. The abuser is given too much power in the victim’s life, causing them to always conform to the abuser’s wishes. It takes intense introspection for the victim to become aware of the amount of control the abuser has over them.

How to overcome trauma bonding:

Recognize the trauma bond – One of the greatest barriers to overcoming trauma bonding is recognizing that you have one. Even though we may be aware that we are in a toxic relationship with someone, in most cases people just don’t realize that they have formed a trauma bond with the person. They do not understand that the reason they cannot simply leave even though they recognize the abuse is that they have formed a trauma bond with them. People who have been brought up by narcissistic parents are particularly prone to this. People in close relationships with psychopaths are also blind to their abusive nature due to their charming facades. If you’re in a toxic relationship which you are unable to leave even though you would like to, you should consider that you may have a trauma bond with the person.
Therapy – Breaking a trauma bond sometimes requires therapy. This is especially true for people who are trapped in abusive relationships with people who won’t easily let them go. Many abusers will not just casually let their victims go – the reason they abuse their victims is precisely because they want to keep them bound to themselves. In extreme cases, some people could be trapped in cults or other organised groups that ritually abuse them in order to control them. These abusers will not just let them go without a fight. Such trauma bonds cannot be broken through sheer willpower – they require therapy from knowledgeable psychologists.
No contact – Once you realize that you have a trauma bond with someone, the best way to break it is to break off all contact with the person. Trauma bonds are the hardest relationships to break because of the emotional, addictive element. The way we respond to the abuser is a conditioned response. The brain is conditioned to bypass normal, rational thinking and therefore breaking free is as difficult as breaking a drug addiction. It will require great determination to break off contact with the person. You will need to block them on all social media, email, phone, etc. It might mean changing your phone number so that the person can’t reach you. It may be difficult at first but with time it gets easier as the brain adjusts to functioning without the constant highs and lows.
Limit contact – In cases where it is completely impossible to break off contact, for example if you are co-parenting with the person, try as much as possible to limit contact with the person. Don’t talk to them unless it is absolutely necessary. Avoid face-to-face meetings or phone calls that could devolve into shouting matches. Determine the most impersonal way of communicating such as email or short, factual text messages and stick to that. Create as much distance between the two of you to weaken and eventually break the trauma bond.
Stop emotional thinking – The reason many people keep going back to abusive relationships is that they develop emotional thinking which keeps sabotaging their efforts to break free. Rather than use logic, they default to a way of thinking that allows them to justify going back to the abuser. Even if the person has proven again and again that they are unreliable, the victim still convinces themselves that this time will be different. Even if the person has clearly shown through their bad treatment that they do not love the victim, they continue telling themselves that the abuser loves them. Even if they have shown themselves to be an abusive, cruel person, the victim still tells themselves that deep down they are a good person. In other words, the victim is not using logic because their brain is bypassing the logical, analytical mind. If you recognise this type of thinking in yourself, you’ll need to counter the lies with cold logic based on an observation of the abuser’s behaviour.
Honour your feelings – Another reason it is so hard to break trauma bonding is that the victim learns to bury their feelings and does not trust that what they feel is valid. They learn that their feelings are unimportant and therefore they learn to suppress them. If they were brought up by a narcissistic parent, this process would have started from early childhood and will be their default way of being. To break this pattern, you need to recognize that your feelings are just as important as anyone else’s. Listen to what your body tells you and know that it is valid and should not be ignored.
Enforce boundaries – Victims of abuse usually find it hard to enforce boundaries. They have learnt that their needs are not important and that they should put other people’s needs before their own. Therefore, they allow people to treat them badly over and over again. One of the hardest things for such people is to say no to bad treatment. They are reluctant to appear rude or hurt someone else’s feelings. What they don’t understand is that the person they are so eager to protect has no similar feelings towards them. The abuser will have no qualms about hurting them or treating them badly. It is therefore their responsibility to enforce boundaries and make the decision not to accept abusive behaviour.

How to Survive the Global Elites’ Attempted Coup

Leave a reply

They have tried to disguise their plans with several innocuous-sounding euphemisms. The Great Reset. The Fourth Industrial Revolution. The New World Order. Agenda 21. Transhumanism. They make it all sound so good. The utopia we have always dreamt of, finally here. No more poverty. No more hunger. No more disease. No more ageing. Who could argue with that? A perfect world where all our hopes and dreams finally come true. Except, what they promise is not what they will ultimately deliver. The road to their utopia will be strewn with our bodies and will end up in our enslavement. They are not trying to solve world problems but to take control of the world and run it, whether we like it or not. If you think all this sounds extreme, then you haven’t been paying attention. Our world is gradually and incrementally being taken over by a small group of elites who want nothing less than our total and unconditional submission. All the senseless things that are happening in the world today like the brutal restrictions on our freedoms and the attempt to push the world towards World War III are all part of the global elites’ attempt to forcefully take over the world. They want to destroy our spirits so that we quietly submit to whatever they plan to do.

Anyone who has watched the Netflix show House of Cards will be familiar with how the elites weaponize fear to control people. The Underwoods who are the protagonists in the show frequently turned to threats of terror attacks to win elections and distract people from their scandals. Fear is a very effective weapon and the elites know this very well. When people are afraid, they set aside their rational thinking and become easily manipulated and controlled. We are seeing this same playbook being used against us, especially over the last few years. The whole climate change narrative is meant to scare us into allowing the elites to introduce whatever changes they want to bring. The covid-19 pandemic is being aggressively weaponised to subdue the global population. From lockdowns to social distancing to face masks, we are being forced to give up our autonomy and submit to infringements on our basic rights. Other events we see unfolding today like the war in Ukraine and the fuel shortages around the world are meant to break our spirits and bring us closer to the global elites’ utopia which is whereby they have total control of every aspect of our lives.

Fear is a very effective weapon and the elites know this very well. When people are afraid, they set aside their rational thinking and become easily manipulated and controlled.

To survive the global elites’ attempted coup, we need to have strategies that will make it impossible for them to control us as well as strategies for healing ourselves. Below are some suggestions.

Stop following the news

The mainstream media is owned by and functions for the benefit of the global elite. They long ago realized that if they wanted to control the masses, they had to own the news. Therefore, everything we hear in the mainstream media is nothing more than propaganda. They do everything they can to give us a vision of the world that serves their purpose. They program us to see the world the way they want us to see it. They manipulate us into accepting the changes they are implementing and seeing them as either inevitable or the natural course of evolution. They use the media to spread fear which makes us more pliable. Gone are the days when we could trust the media to tell us the truth and keep the government in check. Today the media is owned by the elites and serves their agendas. We saw how the established media was used to spread fear during the covid-19 pandemic. This was not accidental. The non-stop coverage of the pandemic and the fearful statistics were meant to break our spirits and make us easier to control. This strategy is still going on today with the non-stop coverage of wars, disasters and other crises. How do you survive this? Well, the only way they can get to you is if you allow them to do so by giving them your attention. Most of us have been programmed to believe that we need to always be up to date with what is happening around us. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, but if someone decides to weaponize this by only feeding us garbage, then it is time to cut off the ties. They can’t break your spirit if you simply stop listening to them. They can’t feed you propaganda if you are not paying attention. At the end of the day, we have all the power. They can only take away our power if we give it to them. So, take back your power by refusing to listen to their fear-mongering. You will find that your mental health improves, your anxiety goes away and you feel at peace with the world.

Free yourself from Google

Google is no longer the source of knowledge it used to be. Today, it is nothing more than an anti-knowledge tool for the elites. Check out what Zach Vorhies, the google whistle-blower has to say about google here. When you search using google, their algorithms make sure you only get to see whatever they want you to see. Any information that does not serve their agenda is suppressed. Any information that goes against their agenda is hidden in the darkest corners of the internet where it never sees the light of day. This is censorship at its worst, no better than the book burning that used to happen in the dark ages. Who made google the gods who can discern what is and what isn’t truth? How will humanity ever evolve if new ideas that don’t serve the elites are suppressed? If we allow such people to take over, we will not only stop evolving but will surely start devolving because the only ideas that will be allowed are those that make them more money and give them more power. Google has completely taken over our lives and is steering us in the wrong direction, but the good news is we can free ourselves from google. We chose to hand over control to google and we can undo this choice today. There are many alternatives to google out there. Use Duckduckgo instead of Google as your default search engine. Use other web browsers such as Firefox, Brave or Opera instead of Chrome. Avoid phones with Google’s Android operating system which has become more and more invasive and instead use other mobile operating systems such as Symbian (Nokia phones).

Quit social media

Social media today is not just a way for people to keep in touch with each other. Big tech, because they are driven by greed for profits and power naturally found a way to monetize our attention. We, the users are now the product. The more time you spend on social media, the more money they make off you. It doesn’t matter how unhealthy this is for you. They will do whatever it takes to keep your attention. This means filling your newsfeed with things that will cause an emotional reaction in you – anger, anxiety, fear, envy – it doesn’t matter to them. They don’t care if you become a nervous wreck or get depressed. They will keep feeding you with more of the things that keep you glued to your screen. How do you survive this? It’s easy, just quit social media and stay away from their attempts to control you. Instead of relying on your social media feed for news, find one or two reliable voices of truth and subscribe to them. Then kick Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Tik Tok and all the rest out of your life. You don’t need them and you will manage just fine without them. In reality, they need you; it’s just unfortunate that they can’t help but use you and abuse you.

Protect your mental health

The global elites have thrown all caution to the wind and taken off their kiddy gloves in their effort to take over the world. They believe that using fear and other mind control techniques will give them the control they lust for. They see us as nothing more than sheeple to be driven this way and that way until we fall in line with their desired end goal. As far as they are concerned, it is time for their grand plan, their Great Reset, to come to fruition. Now more than ever, we need to protect our mental health from the non-stop disaster news cycles and the other techniques they are using to scare us into submission. To protect your mental health, find a healing practice that suits you and make time for it preferably every week. Meditation, therapy, journaling, music, exercise or yoga are some practices you could engage in. You could also engage in artistic pursuits such as painting, pottery, dance, etc. Whatever you decide to do, make time for it and prioritize it. It has never been more important to protect your mental health because there is a deliberate effort to destroy it.

Spend time in nature

People are much more stressed today than they were in previous ages. Balancing work and family has never been easy, but as economies get destroyed by the elites, life is becoming even more difficult. In their determined quest to rule the world, they will stop at nothing. They lack empathy and experience no guilt for their actions, therefore they will continue pushing humanity toward the edge until they achieve what they want, no matter how many lives get destroyed in the process. In the global south, they are using the IMF to destroy economies that were already weak, to begin with. During the covid-19 pandemic, the IMF gave loans to poorer countries on condition that they implement destructive covid restrictions on their populations. In this way, they managed to make a bad situation even worse by causing people to lose their jobs and businesses to shut down. This is the same IMF that forced structural adjustment programs (SAPs) on poor countries in the 90s, forcing civil servants out of their jobs and causing a collapse in the standard of living of most of the middle class. In the end, the more they squeeze us the faster we have to run just to remain in the same place. This can have devastating effects on our health. One way to heal ourselves is to spend more time communing with nature; soaking in the sun, watching the clouds and listening to the birds. Human beings have been made to feel as if they don’t belong in nature, as if they are separate from the world they live in. We are made to feel like intruders in a world that would be better off without us. The truth is that God gave us this planet as a platform for our growth. Therefore, we are not intruders but one with nature.

One way to heal ourselves is to spend more time communing with nature; soaking in the sun, watching the clouds and listening to the birds.

Let go of toxic people

Last but not least, we need to let go of the toxic people in our lives. These are the people who take away our energy and our joy. They suck us dry with their criticism, their negative projections and their need for attention. At this time when everything is stacked up against us, the last thing we need is anyone taking away our energy. This is the time to ruthlessly cut off the energy vampires, those narcissists in our lives who are there for no other reason than to steal our light. If you have anyone in your life who pulls you down, who consistently makes you feel bad, whom you have to keep explaining yourself to or who just won’t let you be, then it is time to cut them loose. You don’t need them; they need you because they need your light. But you are under no obligation to feed them your light because you need every ounce of energy to survive the vicious attack we are undergoing. Ask God to expose to you the people in your life who are covert narcissists who take away your energy without you knowing it. You might be surprised to find that the people you consider close friends or even family members fall in this category. Read my article Unmasking the Covert Narcissist for more information on this.

The System is Rigged to Favour the Most Aggressive Among Us

Leave a reply

The world we live in today is structured in such a way that the most aggressive among us always end up on top. According to Darwin, this is the natural order of things. Survival for the fittest. From politics to business to geopolitics to the workplace, the people who are willing to do anything to get ahead are the ones who ultimately end up winning. The ones who are the most relentless, persistent, aggressive, ruthless, cunning, willing to lie, cheat and bribe in pursuit of a goal are the ones who end up on top. The world rewards such behaviour. But if you think about it, is this the ultimate way for our world to be structured? Because let’s face it, who among us are the ones most likely to thrive in such an environment? Who are the most aggressive people among us? It’s the psychopaths! They are the ones who have no boundaries, no limits to what they’re willing to do, no pesky conscience to bother them in the pursuit of their goals and no empathy or guilt to prevent them from destroying anything or anyone who stands in their way.

Who are the most aggressive people among us? It’s the psychopaths! They are the ones who have no boundaries, no limits to what they’re willing to do, no pesky conscience to bother them in the pursuit of their goals and no empathy or guilt to prevent them from destroying anything or anyone who stands in their way.

When we hear the word psychopath, most of us immediately think of is the Ted Bundys and the Hitlers of this world i.e., murderers, rapists and the criminals of society. But today we know that psychopaths can be very high functioning individuals and can live their entire lives without being detected or called out for who they are. They are masters at creating convincing façades that hide the truth of who they are. While they spend most of their days dishing out emotional and psychological trauma to the people around them, they will nonetheless keep their psychopathy hidden behind charming personas and the image of success. Unfortunately, we have been conditioned to admire outward displays of success to the point that if someone is successful, we believe that they are worthy of admiration and emulation. And psychopaths can be among the most successful people due to their driven nature and single-minded focus on getting ahead. They are well represented among CEOs, politicians, lawyers, surgeons and business owners. You will also find them in professions we have been taught to revere such as policemen, the military and believe it or not, church leaders. Hence the kind of abuses you hear about in churches for example the paedophilia in the catholic church or the abuse of children in the Canadian residential schools.

How did we end up having a system that is rigged to favour psychopaths without us even being aware of it? First and foremost, psychopaths are the ones who have been writing the rule book. It is said that history is written by the winners and if the winners are psychopaths, then they will manipulate the narrative to suit themselves. So, for example, the imperialists who go out and conquer faraway lands and subdue people through brutal force become our heroes. The countries that take all the resources on the planet and leave everyone else starving and poor become the admired countries while the poorer countries are despised and blamed for the condition they are in. The billionaires who siphon all the wealth leaving everyone else to make do with the little that is left over are held up as the models of success that we should all strive to emulate.

Secondly, psychopathy is a condition that hides in plain sight because we are not trained to see it. Psychopaths have an outward, superficial charm that easily deceives most people. They are the people who tell the funniest and best stories and are fun to be around. But when you spend enough time with them, you start noticing that they are not really who they say they are. You will notice that their behaviour is not aligned with the way they portray themselves. You may notice how they bully people and emotionally abuse people and how they seem to induce fear in those working close to them. Psychopaths have an uncanny ability to abuse without the object of the abuse being aware that they are being abused. They may make you feel that you are special to them but suddenly turn on you and attack you. This causes your mind to go into denial because you cannot believe that the person you’ve come to trust could turn on you so ruthlessly. Psychopaths are also pathological liars. They will say one thing today and later completely change the story. They lie so much and change the story so much that they are not even able to keep up with the lies themselves. And so, their reality just keeps changing to become whatever is most convenient at the time. If confronted, they will just create a new version of events and the new version becomes the new reality. You can never win with them because their version of the story is the truth and that’s the end of the story.

Below are some ways in which psychopaths have managed to infiltrate the system and rig it in their favour allowing them to dominate the planet to the detriment of us all:

Politics

The political systems in most parts of the world are designed to favour the most aggressive, rewarding them for their ability to do whatever it takes to win, their ability to eliminate the competition, their ability to mount aggressive campaigns, their willingness to bribe voters, etc. Even in countries with so-called ‘mature’ democracies, the most aggressive people still manage to find their way in and rig the system in their favour. Money talks in politics and those who have the most of it can influence the outcome of elections. You end up with situations where people are manipulated into seeing themselves as being on one side of the divide in opposition to those on the other side. What they don’t see is that it doesn’t matter which side wins, the elites ultimately end up winning and everyone else loses. Voters are manipulated into thinking there are only two options and they must choose the lesser of two evils. We are manipulated into thinking that the obscure candidate who represents the kind of qualities we want is a loser not worth wasting our vote on. And so, we continue voting in the same aggressive types because we don’t see any other option. I think it would be better to abstain from voting than to vote for someone you don’t want just because they represent the lesser evil.

Business

Does profit have to be the only motive in business? We have been taught that profit and maximizing shareholder value is the only motive for business, but is this a sound idea? What is the result of this ideology? It’s what we see today, businesses mindlessly pursuing profits at the expense of integrity, the environment and their employees. People are viewed not as human beings but as human resources. Have you ever wondered where that idea came from? If you put human beings at the same level as capital or land and you see them as resources, then you have a right to treat them as a resource and not as human beings. You have a right to ruthlessly cut down on staff whenever the need arises to save on costs. You have a right to pay them as little as possible because it is none of your concern how they survive on the little you pay them. Your greatest concern is keeping as much as possible for the owners of the business. You don’t need to be concerned about what happens when they fall sick because you don’t need to think of a resource in such terms. You don’t need to concern yourself with what happens when they give birth. You don’t need to concern yourself with how they manage to get to work at 8 am every day and how they get home when they leave at 5 pm. You don’t need to care for them, you just need them to work and deliver the results you need. You view them as workers, not partners. But if you think about it, is it possible for a company to achieve anything without every employee doing whatever it is they are supposed to do? From the top person to the lowest-ranked person, everyone has to play their part for the business to run smoothly. If the cleaner doesn’t clean the office, can we work? Employees should be seen as partners, not as resources that are there to serve the owners who see themselves as the important ones.

Workplace

Starting from the point of recruitment, the system is completely rigged to favour the most aggressive. When we recruit, especially for leadership positions, we look for the most confident, outgoing personalities and we overlook the more gentle, reserved people as if they have less to offer. The person who can express himself or herself with confidence and charm easily finds their way into leadership positions. What about career advancement, who is the most advantaged? It’s the most aggressive and assertive people. The more willing you are to show off your achievements, flaunt your credentials and take credit for other people’s work, the more likely you are to climb up the corporate ladder. So, the system ends up supporting the most aggressive people and by the time you reach the top of the ladder, you find narcissists and psychopaths being very well represented. I think it should be possible to weed out narcissists and psychopaths from the very beginning of the recruitment process. There are psychological tests that are designed to detect these traits and these should be administered at the point of recruitment. Then you select out the most aggressive before they even come in through the door. Our processes for promoting staff should also be more discerning, not just looking for the most outspoken people and assuming they are the only ones capable of leading. Even that very soft-spoken, timid person given a chance and the right training would surprise everyone with just how capable they are to lead teams and add value to the organisation.

I think it should be possible to weed out narcissists and psychopaths from the very beginning of the recruitment process. There are psychological tests that are designed to detect these traits and these should be administered at the point of recruitment. Then you select out the most aggressive before they even come in through the door.

Geopolitics

The world is structured in such a way that some countries are extremely wealthy while others wallow in poverty. And it is accepted that this is just the way the world is and it can be no other way. The ones with the biggest weapons have a right to take all the resources on the planet and leave everyone else to scramble for the few remaining crumbs. The most developed countries have a right to forcefully change regimes and foment wars in the name of bringing democracy to the people. They have a right to do this while loudly condemning others for human rights abuses. They have a right to bomb other countries and call these ‘righteous strikes’ because everything they do can only be righteous. They have placed themselves in positions whereby they judge everyone else’s actions but no one can judge their actions. They have given themselves the monopoly of violence in the name of maintaining world order. Does it seem hypocritical that western nations consider it acceptable to have ever-increasing numbers of nuclear weapons but consider it a crisis when countries like Iran or North Korea acquire these weapons? What makes it okay for them to have nuclear weapons while everyone else is not allowed to have them? Is it because they are the most responsible and unlikely to start nuclear wars? No, the opposite is true; they are the ones continually starting wars in different parts of the world and therefore they are the last people anyone would want to have nuclear weapons. The hypocrisy is simply mind-boggling.

Mainstream Media

What is the role of the mainstream media in rigging the system? It is to normalize all this. It is to report on all these things as if they are normal and that is just the way the world is. The media teaches us to be observers of events, not participants. We are taught to be passive consumers of news, never really looking too closely at what is happening or questioning what we are told or analysing things too deeply. We are given a certain worldview in which there are people out there who are the experts, who know what is happening and who are the deciders of what happens. The media divides the world into those who make the news happen and the rest of us who are the consumers of news. So, if for example, war breaks out somewhere, we are supposed to just assume someone somewhere had a good reason for deciding that the war should start. We don’t question this. We don’t ask what are the issues, why isn’t diplomacy being used, why do some countries have the power to veto things at the UN? This is the role of the media, to help you accept that the world created by psychopaths is normal and there is absolutely nothing to see here, just go back to your daily grind and let the important people make decisions on your behalf. The media also keeps us distracted while important things are happening on the world stage. They distract us with sports, entertainment, celebrity news, etc. We become the proles who concern ourselves with mundane things while big brother manages world affairs.

Education

Our education systems teach us from a very tender age that life is a competition and we should view others as our competitors. We are taught from a young age to see ourselves as competing with other people and this is done through exams and ranking systems and reward systems, etc. Our education systems program us to accept the idea that the person who wins is somehow better than everyone else and therefore deserves to be rewarded. This is called meritocracy, whereby you need to prove yourself worthy of the good things in life. In other words, just the fact that you are a human being does not qualify you to enjoy the good things in life. You have to prove your worth. Instead of education systems being places where our creativity is allowed to flow in whichever direction it wants to flow, we make it places where we have to prove our worth as human beings. So, we learn to aggressively pursue academic excellence as this is what guarantees that we will have the best lives afterwards. Instead of each person seeking to discover what makes them tick, what they enjoy doing, what they excel at, we have this competitive spirit out of which the most aggressive emerge as the best people. Everyone else then has to make do with second class lives because the system is already separating and weeding out the weak and rewarding the strong. Is this Darwin at work or is the system deliberately rigged to work this way? Is it survival for the fittest or is it the most aggressive creating a system in which they are the most likely to thrive? We need to question some of these very deeply held ideas and ask ourselves whether they are true or whether they have been made true by the ones who make the rules.

Hollywood

Hollywood plays a very important role in creating a reality in which the most aggressive people are the most admirable people. They portray an upside-down world in which the guy who goes shooting everyone in pursuit of something is to be admired. The cop who turns the city upside down, destroying property and killing people to catch the ‘bad guy’ is an admirable person. Soldiers who go to fight wars are heroes. The idea that we should thank soldiers for their service and give up our seats for them is presented as a valid idea. So, we learn to view things in an upside-down way, where wrong becomes right and right becomes wrong. Those who refuse to fight wars are cowards and wanting peace is a cowardly thing. And what about all the dystopian movies they keep churning out? Have you ever noticed that Hollywood never imagines a future in which the world is in a utopian state? It is always a future in which the world has been destroyed by some catastrophic event. It’s always a future where some people wallow in poverty while others exist in some technologically advanced state. Hollywood never seems capable of imagining a good future for humanity, it is always the worst possible vision of a dystopia that no one would ever want to exist in.

Could our world possibly be structured differently such that the system favours the majority who are just normal people trying to live their lives? I believe this is possible when we start to understand how the system is rigged against us by the minority. We need to reject the idea that human beings are inherently aggressive beings and that competing with each other is a normal state for us to be in. We can cooperate and create a world in which everyone thrives. There should be no need for anyone to have to prove their worth. If we could just see through the programming and change our mindset regarding how we exist with other people, then, we could surely end up in a world where the most aggressive could not possibly dominate and enslave the rest of us.

Unmasking the Covert Narcissist

Leave a reply

When you think of a narcissist, what is the first thing that comes to mind? For most of us, what comes to mind is the brash, aggressive, loud, confident person who will do anything to attract attention and whose ego walks into the room even before they do. This is the traditional view of the narcissist which many of us are aware of and it’s not incorrect, it’s just that this is nowhere near the full story. The reality is that there is a form of narcissism that is hidden from view, that is hard to detect except to the trained eye and if anything, is even more dangerous than overt narcissism which can be spotted from a mile away. This hidden form of narcissism is what is known as covert narcissism.

A narcissist, whether overt or covert is driven by the compulsion to have certain underlying needs met, which is what leads to their narcissistic, selfish behaviour. We know that narcissists crave attention, and while the overt narcissist will force you to meet this need through aggressive and unreasonable demands, the covert narcissist will use manipulation to get you to meet their needs. They may do this for example through pity plays whereby they portray themselves as the victim of life’s unfairness. The underlying need for attention is the same in both narcissists, it’s just that the strategy for meeting the need is different. We also know that narcissists have an inflated sense of their own importance. While the overt narcissist will openly show their inflated ego by putting down others or trying to outdo them, the covert narcissist will display this in more subtle ways such as through the belief that they are always right, which means they will hardly ever listen to or consider or accept others’ views. Covert narcissists also lack empathy just like overt narcissists do, it’s just that the covert narcissist hides their lack of empathy through the good-guy act. The overt narcissist simply doesn’t care what you think of his behaviour towards you while the covert narcissist is always haunted by the threat of exposure and will therefore go to great lengths to hide their real self. They will sabotage you while pretending to be innocently unaware of what they are doing, maybe even apologizing profusely when you confront them, but this is just an act. At their core, they are not good people and will behave in the same ways over and over again, all the while pretending to be the good guy.

The overt narcissist simply doesn’t care what you think of his behaviour towards you while the covert narcissist is always haunted by the threat of exposure and will therefore go to great lengths to hide their real self.

The interesting thing about covert narcissists is that they genuinely believe they are the good guys. You will find this type of narcissist hidden behind a façade of godliness, family man, best friend, advisor, counsellor, etc. The most dangerous thing about the covert narcissist is that you won’t see them coming. At least with the overt narcissist, once you know how to identify the signs, it becomes very easy to spot them and thus keep your distance. With the covert narcissist, it’s a whole new ball game. This person could be in your life for decades, draining your energy and driving you almost to the point of insanity, but you will never know that you are dealing with a narcissist. Many people in long term relationships with covert narcissists attribute their troubled relationships to normal relationship hiccups that can be resolved if only they are patient enough, put in enough effort or love their partner enough. But despite everything, the relationship never gets better, it only keeps getting worse until eventually after decades of suffering, they may decide to throw in the towel and leave. The irony is that to the outside world, it will always appear as if they were married to the perfect person, the ultimate good guy, and no one will understand why they decided to leave.

What could cause a narcissist to go into stealth mode? In many cases, it may be because the narcissist himself was brought up by a narcissistic parent and they learnt early enough that they had to hide their own narcissism in order to survive their narcissistic parent. They simple learnt other ways of meeting their narcissistic needs without antagonizing their narcissistic parent. It could also be that the narcissist simply developed the most efficient way of meeting his needs in line with his personality. While the overt narcissist will use aggression and force to have his needs met, the covert narcissist simply learnt that he is most likely to have his needs met through manipulation. Therefore, the underlying need is still being met, it’s just that each type of narcissist uses a different strategy to achieve this.

So now that we know that narcissists do not all behave the same, how do we identify the covert narcissist and keep ourselves from falling into their dangerous traps? Well, there are some signs to look out for that could help you identify this type of person but you need to pay close attention as they are subtle and will likely not ring any alarm bells at the beginning of a relationship. If you are already in a long term relationship with a covert narcissist, these signs will help you understand what you are dealing with and why no matter how hard you try your relationship never seems to settle down into an easy, harmonious ride but is always full of bumps.

They are passive-aggressive

A covert narcissist will never confront you head-on; they would rather hide their aggression and fury and passively confront you. For example, they may retreat behind a wall of silence, giving you the silent treatment which may go on for extended periods. By not confronting you directly but rather showing their displeasure in this manner, it enables them to maintain their good-guy image and at the same time manipulate you into wanting to restore the peace. For normal people, the silent treatment is an unbearable punishment that hits you at your very core making you want to do anything to end it, even if it means apologizing and taking the blame for something that was not your fault. The covert narcissist lacking in empathy can employ sustained silent treatments without themselves feeling the pain that a normal person feels. Other forms of passive-aggression they employ include coming late or not showing up for meetings or dates thereby communicating how unimportant you are. They may also embarrass you with other people present knowing that you can do nothing about it, then later behave as if nothing happened or as if it was all innocent fun. If you suspect you may be in a relationship with a covert narcissist, think about all the ways they treat you badly while still maintaining an image of themselves as the good guy. Think of the ways they make it look like they are not really doing anything while you who are on the receiving end know they are doing something and whatever it is they are doing is hurtful.

2. They think of themselves as victims

The covert narcissist always has a sob story from their past that they use to manipulate you into pitying them and giving them the attention they need. They will talk about how their last girlfriend cheated on them, how their parents divorced when they were young and they never got over it, how their boss has it in for them and is making their life miserable, how their colleagues at work are jealous and take all the credit for their achievement, how they were abused as children, how they lost their jobs and can’t find a new one, etc. The thing is, no one is denying that bad things happen to people all the time. The fact is, bad things do happen to everyone, but one way or the other, we learn to cope, we overcome these problems and maybe even learn from them and grow to become better people. We were never meant to remain in the same place years later, blaming all our problems on our parents’ divorce or our cheating spouse. We are supposed to learn our lessons from whatever happened and move on to become better people. The covert narcissist however will not want to move on from whatever happened in the past. They will use this victimhood to paint themselves in a positive light or to make themselves appear like a martyr. They will drain your energy with their constant need for validation and reassurance which goes beyond the normal need for comfort that one experiences immediately after something bad happens to them. The covert narcissist will wear their victimhood like a cloak that is constant and unchanging which therefore means they need to be handled with tender loving care all the time. Mind you meanwhile, they will not be interested in hearing about your suffering but will expect you to provide a listening ear to their woes. It is a constant need for attention that will eventually drain you and drive you up the wall.

3. They lack emotional availability

One hallmark of narcissists is their lack of emotional availability and this is true of the covert narcissist as well. If you’re in a long-term relationship with a covert narcissist, you will feel alone in the relationship. They will be there with you in the physical sense, but you might as well be alone in the relationship for all the emotional support you will get from them. Whereas they will expect you to listen to them and support them in whatever they may be going through, the same courtesy will not be accorded to you. Your issues will be minimized if not dismissed altogether, while their issues will be made to feel life-threatening and all-important. They will suck all your emotional energy until you constantly feel drained, but they will never invest their emotions in you. If you go through difficulties, be it a job loss, difficulties at work, or the loss of a loved one, you will do it alone. While the covert narcissist will be good at making all the right noises e.g., claiming to want to work at the relationship, with time you will realize that that’s all they are, noises, but underneath there is no real interest in making the changes necessary to make the relationship work. If you find yourself feeling as if you are all alone in a relationship, then your partner could be a covert narcissist.

4. They will never compliment you

When you’re in a normal, healthy relationship with a normal, healthy person, you will always find things about each other that you appreciate, that you want to compliment. With a covert narcissist, this will be strangely absent. Due to their inner insecurities or perhaps inflated ego, they will never want to admit that you can do anything good or anything worthy of complimenting. Behind this is also the fact that the narcissist probably envies you for the qualities you have that they will never have. Ironically, these qualities are the same ones that drew the narcissist to you, that made you a target, but once in a relationship with them, they will envy you for your positive qualities and thus you will never hear a compliment come out of their mouths. At the end of the day, a narcissist wants to feel like they are better than you, hence the subtle put-downs you experience from them. They will deny you the satisfaction of feeling good about something you have done or a positive quality you possess. Think of the sullen bully in the playground who feels bad when everyone is happy and having a good time. How likely is it that this kind of person will ever compliment you for the good in you when anything good in you only draws attention away from them?

5. They are empty inside

When you spend enough time with a narcissist, there is one thing that will always gnaw at you at the back of your mind. This person feels empty in a way that you can’t quite put your finger on. With time, you start realizing that you don’t know who this person is however long you have been with them. Whereas with a normal, healthy person, you will always get a sense of who they are in terms of their likes and dislikes, their beliefs, their opinions, their quirks and proclivities, with a covert narcissist you will get the sense almost like they are playing a role. You will almost feel like they don’t know who they are because they are like chameleons that adapt to whatever environment they are in. Sometimes you will feel as if they are taking on your characteristics; for example, if at some point in the past you expressed interest in something, you will hear them later proclaim interest in the same thing without ever mentioning that they got the idea from you. You will also notice that they subtly behave like whoever they happen to be hanging out with at the time. This emptiness is a particular trait of narcissists whereby they adapt to whatever environment they are in and become whoever they need to be in order to have their needs met. With a covert narcissist, this is very subtle and you may not notice it as easily as you will notice it with the overt narcissist who will display his emptiness conspicuously in his eagerness to draw you in. With the covert narcissist, this is, unfortunately, something you may only notice after a long time of being with them. You may experience this almost as a niggling feeling, a question in your mind that surfaces from time to time: who are you?

6. They have troubled relationships

Due to their difficult nature, narcissists have one characteristic in common and that is their troubled relationships. With the overt narcissist, this will not be so difficult to understand as their aggressive, ruthless or openly brutal nature is easy to observe. With the covert narcissist, it will be more subtle. Although they come across as good guys, you will find that they have many troubled relationships at work, at home, with ex-partners, with siblings, parents or even with people who were previously their friends. The reality is, even though they may be able to fool some people with their good guy act, their underlying selfishness will always cause problems in their relationships. Naturally, with their victimhood mentality, they will have various ways to justify these troubled relationships and they may somehow succeed in fooling you. But the longer you stay with them, the more you will start to question whether the problem is the other people or the problem lies with them. It’s normal of course to have one or two troubled relationships, but if you observe this pattern consistently manifest itself in all their relationships, then you need to start questioning the narrative which paints them as the victim. Is it true that they cannot hold a job because all their bosses somehow have it in for them? Is it probable that all their colleagues are jealous of their accomplishments? Is it possible that all their exes are evil, manipulative people? Or is the problem seated right there in front of you in form of the covert narcissist?

7. They feel as if they own you

If you have been with a narcissist for any length of time, you will start having the vague feeling that this person thinks they own you. They will somehow want to curtail your freedoms, they will want to know where you’re going and what you’re doing and who you’re with, they will want to control what you do with your money, how you dress, who your friends are, etc. It is almost as if they see you as an extension of themselves. Rather than seeing you as a human being in your own right with your own personhood, they see you as part of them. With the covert narcissist, this will be done in subtle ways such as going through your phone, using sarcasm to manipulate you into doing what they want, lecturing you about the kind of people you hang out with, etc. While the overt narcissist will aggressively exert their control over you through brutal force, the covert narcissist will manipulate you into doing what he wants for example by questioning your choices, by mocking what you want to do, or by pretending to be concerned about you. In the end, without quite understanding why you will feel that this person thinks they own you and they are convinced of their right to exert their will over you.

While the overt narcissist will aggressively exert their control over you through brutal force, the covert narcissist will manipulate you into doing what he wants for example by questioning your choices, by mocking what you want to do, or by pretending to be concerned about you.

8. They think they know it all / they think they are God

When you spend enough time in a relationship with a covert narcissist, you will realize that the possibility that they could ever be wrong seldom crosses their mind. As far as they are concerned, they are always right and thus it is their way or the highway. It is almost as if they think they are God, so convinced are they of how right they are or how wise their views are. Whatever opinion or view they have seems to them to have come straight from God, thereby affirming their oneness with God. And if they are one with God, aren’t they then God? If God is speaking through them, doesn’t that then mean that when they speak it is the voice of God that is speaking? And if you argue with them, aren’t you arguing with God? If you happen to be with the religious types, they will be firm believers in the ideology that God has placed his mantle of leadership on them and thus they have a God-given right to rule over you. They will firmly believe in the natural hierarchy or order of things whereby God speaks to them and they, in turn, speak God’s word to you. It will never occur to them that God could speak directly to you. So firm is their conviction that we might as well dispense with the necessity of having a God who is separate from them and instead consider them as God Himself in the flesh.

10 Tips to Avoid Being Ensnared by a Narcissist

Leave a reply

A narcissist is a predator. He’s like a hungry lion searching for prey and if you happen to be among the unaware masses, then watch out. He may be headed your way and he hopes you continue in your ignorance as to his true nature as this serves his purposes quite well. The idea that a human being could prey upon another human being the same way animals in the wild do is something most people will instinctively find hard to accept. But information about narcissists is becoming more wide spread in the collective consciousness and we are starting to wake up to the fact that there is a type of being out there that preys on others for energy. You may have heard the term ‘energy vampire’ mentioned before and you probably thought it was new age nonsense that has nothing to do with real life. Well, now we know that there are indeed human beings out there who prey on others for emotional energy and they may not be as rare as we all thought.

Have you ever spent time with someone and thereafter you were left feeling emotionally drained? Maybe they dumped all their problems on you and kept going on and on about how unfair life is to them and you found yourself comforting and reassuring and soothing and validating and on and on and on until finally you felt utterly exhausted? Or alternatively, have you ever had a conversation with someone that left you feeling bad about yourself or feeling low or anxious or like a failure? Maybe they made some subtle digs at you, gave you some back handed complements, made you feel incompetent, like a loser, etc. Have you noticed that every time you talk to this person, you’re somehow left feeling the same way every single time? It could be a close friend, a colleague, a supervisor, a manager, a family member, etc. This person could very well be an energy vampire or what is more commonly known as a narcissist. A narcissist is simply someone with an inflated sense of self (grandiosity), a need for constant validation and a lack of emotional empathy. A narcissist feeds off other people’s energy by either drawing positive energy from them (validation, praise, flattery etc.) or negative energy (anger, anxiety, fear, shame, etc.) The bad news is that most of us have one or more of such people in our lives. The good news is that there are ways to protect yourself from being ensnared by a narcissist and especially more so as their intimate partner.

A narcissist is simply someone with an inflated sense of self (grandiosity), a need for constant validation and a lack of emotional empathy.

If you’re lucky, then you’ve only ever encountered a narcissist from afar e.g., at work, in school, etc. and it is relatively easy to keep your distance once you know what they are. For some people however, the narcissist somehow manages to snake his way into their life and becomes a significant other such as a spouse, partner, girlfriend or boyfriend. Narcissist commonly show their true colours once the person is safely in their grip and will then unleash horrors such as physical and emotional abuse, manipulations, humiliation, financial ruin, mental torture and so much more. Getting out of these abusive situations proves almost impossible for many victims due to co dependence that comes about from trauma bonding. The easiest way to beat a narcissist is to avoid falling into his trap in the first place.

Narcissists as predators generally go to great lengths to identify their prey and they usually prefer targets with empathetic traits such as kindness, compassion, decency, truthfulness, humility, politeness, caring, etc. Once identified, the narcissist goes all out in his seduction of the unsuspecting target and if unaware, the target won’t stand a chance. Remember: the narcissist does not love you and is actually incapable of love; he only loves what he can get from you. The ten tips below should help you avoid becoming ensnared by one.

Beware of the love bombing

In their haste and eagerness to ‘own’ you, the narcissist will engage in what is commonly known as love bombing. This is whereby the narcissist bombards you with an exaggerated form of seduction which involves taking you out on expensive dates, buying you gifts, declaring his love through poetry, constantly texting you and calling you and visiting you and basically taking you on a whirlwind romance. You will not know where he came from but suddenly, he will be all over your social media, your phone, your house, even your place of work. You will literally be swept off your feet. Now, the average person will most probably never have encountered this type of seduction and will likely find all the attention flattering and irresistible. Unfortunately, this is all a big performance. It is meant to dazzle you and blind you to the narcissist’s true intention which is to get you addicted to him as quickly as possible. Obviously, a seduction of this magnitude cannot be sustained for a long period and thus you need to be acquired as quickly as possible (note: the narcissist sees you as an object to be acquired). If you meet someone who seduces you in this manner, be careful. You just may have fallen into the hands of narcissist.

2. Notice the pushy behaviour

One of the things you will notice about a narcissist is that he is very pushy in the early stages of his seduction. He will want you to spend the night with him after the first date and will push through any resistance you may have. He will tell you he loves you by the second date and will push you to say you love him back. He will want you to move in together after three weeks and will come up with all manner of clever arguments to counter your resistance. You will always feel as if the relationship is moving much faster than you would like it to but your reservations will be cleverly sidestepped as the narcissist takes the love bombing a notch higher. The usual milestones that would normally take a much longer time will be achieved within no time. The narcissist is eager to make you his and not in a good way. Remember, the narcissist sees you as nothing more than a good source of energy even though he may not consciously be aware of this. Such a wonderful source of energy cannot be allowed to get away but must be obtained through any means possible.

3. Observe his lack of respect for your boundaries

Boundaries mean nothing to a narcissist. Due to his self-absorbed nature and lack of emotional empathy, he will not be thinking about you as he carries out his seduction but rather will be thinking about himself and getting his needs met. Any boundary you put up will likely be trampled over and ignored. A narcissist is all about using you for his own pleasure. He sees you as an object and even as he seduces you, this will come across through a lack of respect for your boundaries. He won’t care that you’d rather not do certain things and will keep pushing and pushing until all your resistance is worn out. Narcissists lack empathy and have a sense of entitlement while their victims generally have a natural tendency to be polite and have difficulty saying no. The narcissist will therefore delight in taking more and more and will display a callous disregard for your feelings. If you find yourself with someone who constantly oversteps your boundaries, then it’s likely you are dealing with a narcissist.

4. Is he mirroring you?

Narcissist not only lack emotional empathy, they also lack the positive love-based emotions such as joy, happiness, compassion, generosity, etc. Due to their inability to feel these emotions, they are left with no option but to mirror your emotions back to you in order to make it look like they feel the same way you do. Not only that but they will also mirror your likes and dislikes, your interests, your preferences, etc. This mirroring is quite subtle and if you are caught up in the love bombing you may not actually notice. In effect what is happening is that you are falling in love with yourself. The narcissist being completely empty inside has to come up with a fake persona and you being their target will form the template for this construct. They will in effect become you in order to ensnare you. You need to be wary if someone seems to be oddly similar to you. Before you start rejoicing thinking you have finally found the person of your dreams who shares the same values and interests as you, remember if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

5. Does he lack respect for those he considers ‘beneath’ him?

One of the well-known characteristics of a narcissist is his or her sense of superiority. He most likely feels superior to you but this side of him will not be coming out any time soon (he will save that for after the seduction). However, he will not be able to hide his disdain when dealing with someone he considers beneath him. When dealing with service staff such as waiters, gardeners, security guards or cleaners, his feelings of superiority will naturally come to the fore. In fact, he may try to impress you by being rude to such people since in his twisted mind it shows how powerful he is. He may treat you like royalty but he won’t be able to refrain from treating other people like trash. This is a dead giveaway that you should not ignore especially when taken together with the other signs.

6. Avoid online dating and chat rooms

The internet must have been one of the happiest inventions as far as narcissists are concerned. Being a predator in need of prey, the internet makes hunting so much easier for him. From the comfort of his home, the narcissist can have a much wider reach than he would ever have hoped for if his only option was face to face interaction. Social media might as well have been created specifically for narcissists as their kind are the ones who are best served by this technology. Online dating sites and chat rooms are especially crawling with narcissists and if you’re using these forums as a way of meeting people and socializing, you are like little red riding hood walking all alone and defenseless in the woods. You are literally swimming with sharks and it won’t be long before you find yourself trapped by one of their kind. There is no accountability in the virtual world which allows them to easily engage in tactics such as catfishing, ghosting, hooking up with multiple people, using fake profiles, the list is endless. Just save yourself the trouble and avoid these forums.

7. Avoid magical thinking

Do you believe in soulmates? Twin flames? Do you believe everyone has that special person they’re supposed to meet at some point in their lives? Do you believe your other half is out there waiting for the day you’ll meet so that they complete you? If you have these kinds of beliefs, then you’re vulnerable to being deceived by a narcissist. These beliefs have their roots in Greek mythology; apparently at some point our soul divided into two and we are destined to spend lifetime after lifetime searching for our other half and we will never truly be happy until we find them. So, when the narcissist comes along and bombards you with his fake love, you’re more likely to fall for his lies since you’re likely to feel that you’ve finally found your soulmate. You are also more likely to hold on to the relationship when things start going south believing that what you have is meant to be. You need to watch out for this kind of magical thinking. You are a whole person, there is no one out there who is coming to complete you.

8. Listen to yourself

How do you feel when you are with the person seducing you? Do you feel uneasy, anxious, as if something is not quite right? This could be your subconscious mind warning you of something your conscious mind is not able to see. Do you feel like you are constantly walking on egg shells when with him? Narcissists are known for their fury which lies just beneath the surface and although this is usually well hidden during the seduction phase, you may well be able to sense it if say you criticize him or go against something he wants. It’s important to listen to yourself and not dismiss your feelings. Those who grew up with narcissistic parents may have a harder time with this as they have been taught to suppress their feelings or that their feelings don’t matter. They are used to behaving contrary to what they feel so they may not be alert to what their feelings are telling them. This is why those who were brought up by narcissistic parents are more likely to end up with narcissistic partners. Their internal defense mechanism is pretty much broken. One of the things you need to do when dating is to listen to yourself, listen to what your body is telling you and honor those feelings. You are under no obligation to get into a relationship if it doesn’t feel right even if this is just a vague feeling that you can’t quite put into words.

9. Don’t fall for future faking

One of the weapons a narcissist wields against his victim is future faking. This is whereby a narcissist will very early on in a relation start talking about your future together e.g., marriage, kids, where you will live, places you will travel to, etc. If you’ve been with someone for a reasonable length of time, maybe a year or so, then it is perfectly acceptable to start talking about your future together. With a narcissist however, this will be done too early, maybe even by the second date or so. The purpose of course is to bind you to him by making you feel as if he is very serious about you. You may be flattered or feel special that he thinks this way about you so soon after meeting you. It changes the way you look at the relationship. The narcissist is cleverly taking advantage of what in most people is a very strong desire. This obviously raises the stakes and makes it much harder for you to leave him. If the person you just started dating starts talking about marriage or how many children you will have and what their names will be, beware. You may well be in the arms of a narcissist.

10. Honor your needs

Narcissist usually target empaths. Why? Because these are the kind hearted, caring, decent human beings who will only be too happy to put everyone else’s needs before their own. Narcissists know that the empath will always be giving and the narcissist is only too happy to always be taking. Not only will he want to take everything you have to offer but it will not be enough for him. One of the things you need to learn to do in order to avoid falling into the trap of a narcissist is to learn how to ask for your needs to be met. Your needs are just as important as anyone else’s and there is no reason why you should always have to sacrifice your needs for someone else. If you’ve just started dating someone, ask for something to gauge their reaction. Ask to be taken to a certain restaurant or some place you’d like to go. A narcissist wants to be in control and will want to be in charge of how the seduction unfolds. Remember, this is all a grand performance on his part. He is not genuinely giving anything to you because giving is not in his nature. His focus is on one thing and one thing only. To make you his. If you start asking for things, he will not want to do it. The charming façade will most likely start slipping. The other side of this coin is if you refuse the narcissist something he really wants. With his sense of entitlement and lack of respect for boundaries, he will not readily accept or respect your refusal to do what he wants. You might find that the seduction will not proceed quite so well if you turn out to be the kind of person who asks for things or refuses him things.